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“This probably isn’t the right time,” Lynne said. “But I was thinking, if I could work on my teacher certificate some during the summers, I might be able to homeschool the kids.”
“That is such a good idea.” Abby drummed her fingers on the couch. “I’ll check with Nathaniel, to see if we can set something up in order for you to get your certificate.”
“Oh, thank you.”
“Now for a harder question,” Meagan said.
“Is this about Simon?” Lynne asked.
“I was just wondering what happened. I rarely saw him with anybody before you, and I haven’t seen him at all the last couple of months.”
Lynne hesitated before replying. “He said he didn’t think I wanted to do anything with the lifestyle. I tried telling him I was new and only needed time, but he took it the wrong way and broke up with me. I was so upset. It wasn’t that I didn’t want the lifestyle—it was just so much, so soon, and I needed to take a step back.” She sniffled. “I really miss him. Abby, does Nathaniel ever talk to him?”
“I’m not sure. I don’t think Nathaniel talks to many people from our New York group.” Abby poured more wine. “He’s been so busy here in Delaware. Do you want me to ask him?”
Lynne’s eyes grew wide. “Oh no.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” But she didn’t seem sure.
“Lynne?” Abby asked.
“I thought I might look online. Join a BDSM chat group.”
“Why would you do that?” Abby asked.
“I thought it would be best to get some more information. Learn a little bit more. Then maybe at some point, I can approach Simon again.”
“You liked him, didn’t you?” Meagan asked in a whisper.
Meagan knew all too well what it was like to have the guy you were interested in walk away. She had a feeling the look she saw on Lynne’s face was the same she’d possessed after Luke had left her fifteen years ago. And she didn’t wish that on anyone.
“Yes.” Lynne’s voice was so soft, Meagan barely heard her.
“You know”—Abby had a wicked grin—“if you’d like to get together with the Delaware group, Nathaniel and I can arrange it.”
Lynne looked a little unsure. “I don’t know. Let me think about it.”
Abby seemed satisfied and looked over to Meagan. “So tell me about you and Luke.”
Meagan sighed deeply. “I don’t even know where to start. We’re working on these photos for this book and it’s supposed to be work only, but it’s not. And I’m just scared, you know? We’ve been down this road before and it didn’t end well.”
“But you’re both older now,” Abby said. “And you have a lot more experience. Not to mention, you both know what you want and what you don’t.”
“True.” Meagan could see her point, but knew it wasn’t that easy. “I just don’t know how Luke feels.”
“Have you thought about asking him?” Abby raised an eyebrow.
“It’s not that easy.”
“That’s because you make it harder than it should be.”
“Says the woman who’s been married for ten thousand years.”
Abby laughed. “Says the woman who has learned the hard way that things are easier when you talk about them.”
“I know you’re right, but it just seems so hard. To expose yourself like that. To put yourself out there, and not know how it’ll be received.”
“But surely it beats not knowing anything at all about how he feels.”
“I guess so.” Meagan sighed.
A silence followed, everyone thinking their own thoughts about what had just been said. Meagan thought maybe she should talk to Luke. After all, she would never know until she asked. Perhaps, maybe, Luke wanted more than a no-strings relationship, too.
“Is anyone staying with Dena tonight?” Meagan finally asked, breaking the silence.
“I think Julie and Sasha are staying with her,” Abby said.
“That’s good. I would hate for her to be by herself.”
“I seriously doubt Jeff would let that happen.”
“How many weeks is she now?” Lynne asked.
“Thirty something,” Abby replied. “I think they want her to at least be thirty-three or so before they induce labor.”
“They aren’t going to let her go full term?” Meagan didn’t think so, but she hadn’t heard for certain.
Abby shook her head. “No, they said the danger was too high to let her go much past thirty-three.”
“And so far everything has been okay with the baby?” Lynne got up and poured more wine.
“Yes, Dena said everything so far has been perfect with the baby.” Abby got a wistful, faraway look in her eyes. “I’m so happy for them both—they both deserve all the good things.”
Meagan remembered that Jeff had been the one to save Abby at the club. She also knew that he had played a few times with Abby and Nathaniel. She wondered what Dena thought of that. Did it bother her? Or did she not care? She knew Abby had played in a roundabout way with Luke. While what was in the past didn’t bother her, she wasn’t sure she’d like it if it happened again. Similarly, Meagan didn’t think Jeff had played at all with anybody since he and Dena got married.
For just a moment, Meagan allowed herself to think what it would be like to be married. To have that companionship. That support. That love. She didn’t realize until that moment how lonely her life was.
Sure, she had her work friends. And her brother, although you really couldn’t count him. But at the end of the day, she didn’t have a significant other. She allowed herself to look into the future and all she saw was loneliness. An empty house. An empty bed. An empty life. And for the first time in a long, long time, she was sad.
Meagan stretched. Suddenly she didn’t feel like talking anymore. “I’m beat. I’m going to go to bed.”
Abby raised an eyebrow and Meagan was certain she saw straight through her. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, just a little tired.”
“Okay, I guess we’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night,” Lynne said.
Meagan said her good nights and went upstairs to her room. The baby shower the next day started at ten o’clock. She was going to ride with Abby and Lynne, and she wouldn’t make it back to her own house until late in the afternoon.
She wondered what Luke was doing tonight. Was he thinking of her? Did he miss her? They weren’t going to have a session tomorrow because of the baby shower. Luke said they were ahead of schedule, so it really didn’t matter. Suddenly next Saturday seemed so far away.
She made it to the guest room and remembered she’d turned her phone off. She couldn’t stop the grin that came over her face when she saw the text from Luke.
What are you doing?
He had sent it fifteen minutes ago. There was a good chance he was still awake. She quickly typed her reply.
Just getting ready to turn in.
He typed back instantly.
