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Fine, so am I. “It wasn’t right.”
“You weren’t there.”
“No, I wasn’t, so tell me. Tell me why you stabbed your best friend in the back? Tell me if she was worth it, because I don’t see her with you now.”
He glares at me for half a beat. “I don’t owe you an explanation, and I’m not going to feel sorry for a mistake I made two years ago. That’s ludicrous. Should I hold you to something you did two years ago?”
“Yes, it says something about a person.”
He pulls up to a traffic light and stops abruptly, letting out a harsh laugh. “So there’s no forgiveness from you? No growth? It’s insane to judge someone for something they did before you even met them!”
He shoves his hands through his hair and shakes his head. I can tell my opinion matters to him, but then he goes and says dumbass things that make me think he hates me. If that were true, he wouldn’t have offered to drive me back to school. He would have waited and made a fool out of me at the most convenient time. With information pumped from Beth and Chelsey, the roommate from hell, Josh could ruin my entire college existence. He worries me.
There’s a patch of silence while we sit at a light. Josh won’t look at me. He just clutches the wheel tighter and tighter.
I don’t say it to be an ass, I say it because it’s true. “What I think shouldn’t matter to you, Josh. I’m nobody. I have no money, I don’t run with your crowd, plus I’m the new girl.” It’s the trifecta of lameness at a private college where each kid gets a swank car and an allowance from their parents. I’m lucky to even be here. I don’t fit and it would be easy to turn the few friends I’ve made. “I don’t understand you. Carter’s my friend
. How do you expect me to act like it never happened? Your past is screwing up my present. Otherwise, you’d be right, and it wouldn’t matter, but for that reason it does. You’re my best friend’s brother and my other best friend’s nemesis. Anyway, it shouldn’t matter what I think.”
The light changes and he floors it. Anger flashes in his eyes, as if I don’t understand him at all. “But it does matter. You’re always with Beth. I see you every day and the condescension in your eyes is unbearable. I can’t take it anymore, and you have no right. I’m not the same guy anymore.” He glances over at me as he pulls into a parking space.
I reach for the door, but I don’t open it. I don’t know what to say. It seems wrong to hold someone to a mistake they made, but there’s a reason why I can’t forgive him—it’s because of Carter. “You’re right, it’s none of my business and that was years ago, but Carter still hurts because of what you did. Telling him you’re sorry would go a long way.”
Josh stares at me. “Are you kidding?” His mouth twitches like he doesn’t know if he should laugh or scream. This one has a temper under all that charm. He tries to quench the embers, but they don’t go out. They’re always there, burning, waiting to erupt. “I don’t owe him a fucking thing.” His words are too sharp, too much like scolding.
I kick the door open and get out. Before I close it, I lean down and repeat. “This isn’t my fight, but Carter is my friend. I thought you were, too. I guess I was wrong about that.” I slam the door and walk away.
Josh doesn’t follow after me, not that I expected him to, he’s too proud for that. I did expect him to peel out and fly away in his race car, but he doesn’t. He sits very still and watches me until I disappear into the building.
Chapter 7
Maybe the quarrel with Josh was a good thing. By the time I find the classroom, I’m stoked and ready for a fight. It’s going to take a lot of finesse to make it look like I kept my word and not be butt naked.
The little voice in the back of my head whispers, don’t do this! You’re being just as prideful as Josh.
I could back out. I could no-show and laugh it off, or pretend I didn’t know Jax was serious, but when class comes around again I’d have to go through the whole deal again. Evil Santa doesn’t think I’m mature enough to be in an upper level class. I have to prove him wrong.
I’ve drawn nudes before. The human figure is a masterpiece and I find the uniqueness of each individual body astounding. I’ve always wanted to draw a couple embraced, to capture the adoration and lust, the craving for human touch. If I’d gone to school in New York, models wouldn’t be a problem. There are tons of them, but down here, people don’t consider posing nude to be art. They consider it a one-way ticket to Hell.
The classroom is dark, but I push open the door and step inside. “Dr. Jax?” I call out hoping he’s in the back storeroom, but there’s no answer.
At the front of the classroom there’s a barstool on a small stage. I’m guessing that’s my spot. I get to sit on a stool for three hours. Fun. Not to mention it’s going to make my body look like a rectangle and obliterate every curve I have. Screw this. I’m not sitting on a stool. If I’m doing this, I’m doing it right. I toss my bag on a desk and head to the back. Flipping on the storeroom light I blink, adjusting to the shaft of yellow that cuts across the dark floor. I dig around in boxes looking for something that would pass as a Grecian robe, but no luck. All the scraps of fabric are scraps, and too skinny or too narrow to hide much.
“What am I going to do?” I put my arm on the shelf and lean into it, burying my face. I’d been telling myself to take things one day at a time, one problem at a time, and I could handle things. But now everything is threatening to bubble up. I didn’t cry over Matt and Mom, over Mom and Dad. Last night I stared at the ceiling for hours, unable to sleep. Now it’s late and I’m exhausted. Maybe this was a bad idea. I can’t tell anymore. I want them to take me seriously, but each new challenge, each old wound makes it increasingly harder for me to think.
With all the thoughts echoing in my head, I don’t hear him approach. “I was wondering the same thing.”
That voice makes me jump. I whirl around and come face-to-face with Nathan. I’m so startled, I screech and girly slap him on the arm. “Don’t sneak up on people! What’s wrong with you?”
He grins. “Sorry, I was looking for Jax, but to my surprise I found you.” All the amusement slips off his face. “What’s wrong?” He’s wearing ripped jeans, boots, and a tight, dark shirt. I’m wearing the girl version of his outfit, but I doubt I look that hot.
I don’t want to tell him what’s up, but he’s going to find out if he’s here for the class. I’d rather he knew now. “I’m the model. I’m just not sure I can pull this off.”
“Having second thoughts?” He’s serious and the normal teasing tone of his voice vanishes. I nod. He looks me over and then steps closer, lowering his voice. “You know you’re beautiful, right? Is that the problem?”
I can’t help it. I smile at him. My eyes dart away. “Thank you, but that’s not it.” I tuck my hair behind my ear and try to find the right words. “They put a stool up there for me. I thought it would be more of a little vignette, not naked girl perched on stool.”
Smiling he walks toward the stool and lifts it. “So, let’s change things up and make it something you’re more comfortable with.”
