AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You have friends here. You know how everything works—from Jax’s tricks, to Beth’s idiotic brothers—and I don’t.”
“Kerry, wait—”
“I’m still figuring out where the cafeteria is and how the hell I’m supposed to deal with my mom fucking my boyfriend! Carter, I’m living in a shitstorm with no one to help me, and the one person I should be able to depend on for anything—well, it turns out she’s the reason my soul mate left me in the first place.” There are tears in my eyes. I wipe them away angrily, stomp across the room, and sit on a table.
I’ve said everything I wanted to say. The storm raging inside of me is spent, and I feel tired and melancholy. Carter remains across the room, still poised by the door.
When he finally starts to say something, I cut him off. I don’t want to have the rest of this conversation right now. “Don’t tell the dean. I can’t handle it right now, and it was my fault. I did it. There was nothing out of line from Professor Smith.” Lifting my gaze, I look to Carter hoping he’ll agree.
When he doesn’t answer, anger seeps back into my veins. Fine, judge me. I shake my head in disgust. “Listen, class starts in five minutes. We don’t have time for this. I made a mistake. He just stood there shocked, same as you.”
Carter remains where he is, across the room, a stone’s throw away. “I didn’t hear anything. I was there to drop this class. I can’t deal with you—”
“Gee, thanks.”
His voice softens. “That’s not what I meant. Let me finish. I can’t deal with seeing you naked up there. It’s my problem, not yours. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. It just threw me off.” He runs his hand over his head and down his neck, lets out a sigh, and stares at me. “It’s supposed to be what you said—there shouldn't be anything more—but I don’t feel like that around you.”
“Could have fooled me," I say. "I kissed you. Remember? For all practical purposes, I could have been a softball, and you would have reacted the same way.”
“You’re not a softball.” His voice is a whisper.
“Right, I’m a nut ball who tried to start a three-way with my teacher and another student.”
He chokes, covering his lips with his hand to hide a smile. “Kerry, it wasn’t that bad.”
I’m sitting on the edge of the table, leaning forward with my hands at my hips, and my elbows locked. I’m swinging my feet and shaking my head, trying to avoid his gaze. “Yes, it was. I was there, remember? I might as well have written ménage à trois on his desk with an Expo marker.”
As I say the last word, something happens and my center of gravity inadvertently moves forward. My big head is already leaning pretty far forward, and that tiny movement puts it past my knees. Next thing I know I’m face-planting on the linoleum.
Carter rushes forward. “Are you all right? Damn, Kerry!” His hand is on my arm.
I’m spread-eagle, with my face against the cold floor. I roll over slowly, too embarrassed to move any faster. I stare up at him and want to cry. “This summarizes my life. Threatening to topple at the least imbalance and any flashes of happiness are fleeting—I always end up flat on my face.”
“I didn’t need a demonstration.” He grins and holds out his hand. “Use your words, Kerry.” He says it in the same voice a parent would use with a toddler.
It makes me laugh a little. I put my hand in his palm. He pulls me up, and I’m standing in front of him, with his hand in mine. “Life sucks. I want a do-over.”
“Yeah, I get that. Believe me. I understand the whole life blows thing, but there are no do-overs. You have to make the most of whatever hand you got dealt this round. Next time will be better.”
“You haven’t known me long enough. Next round is going to catch on fire.” I jab my free thumb into my chest. “I’m THAT girl.”
Carter’s expression is soft and kind. He watches me for a moment, his eyes moving along the curve of my cheek and then dropping to our hands. “I’m not okay sitting in this class and drawing you. I can’t be detached.”
“So don’t be. Be attached. Be a fucking emotionally available hard-on American male. Carter, maybe it’ll take you in a direction as an artist that you haven't imagined.”
“Yeah.” He swallows hard. “That’s why I’m worried. I don’t want to be a rebound, Kerry.” He lifts my hand to his lips and places a soft kiss on my skin.
It’s so sweet I can’t help it—I smile. “I’m going to be emotionally unavailable for a while. That was the PC way of saying I’m going batshit crazy and plan to focus pretty fucking hard on the crazy for a while. I feel like I don’t know who I am.” My brows knit together and I find myself trying to catch his eye, wishing I had his approval.
“So find out. When you do, I’ll still be here.” He offers a half smile and drops my hand. That surprises me. It seems as if his anger has faded and he’s ready to put everything behind us and move forward.
“What about Professor Smith? And the class?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about with Smith. I wasn’t in his office tonight.” He winks at me, and a lazy smile spreads across his lips. “If you don’t mind me being here—”
“I want you here.”
“Then I’ll stay in the class.”
