Caleb leaned further forward and confided ‘Frankly speaking, it is none of the Dowager Duchess’s business what you do with your free time.’
Hannah’s eyes sparkled at this rebellious streak and the stark realisation that Caleb was siding with her, over his mother.
‘She is not happy you permitted me to transform the parlour room into an Art Studio…’ she ventured.
Caleb leaned right up to Hannah’s face and whispered ‘It’s my house.’
Hannah giggled at the childishness this comment exhibited and Caleb smiled with her, excited that they had found common ground where they could laugh together.
He had never noticed the little dimple that appeared on her cheek when she laughed as organically as this. It occurred to him that he had only seen her formal smiles and otherwise seen her face worried by expressions of perplexity and concern. This was a proper, genuine giggle and he adored it.
Caleb lifted his hand very slowly and gently to her cheek and grazed her soft skin with the warmth of his large hand.
Hannah felt tingles buzzing all over her body as Caleb brought his strong, sincere touch to her face. Her eyes fluttered closed, indulging in the affection and she slowly leaned her head toward his hand, relinquishing all formality and abandoning herself to his protectiveness.
Caleb did not think about what he was about to do – his instincts completely took control, as he leaned closer still and pressed his lips against Hannah’s.
Though she had almost known it would come, when she felt Caleb’s warm lips meet hers, she breathed deeply in. She realised at that moment of connection that she had been wishing it to happen whenever she had been in his presence. His lips were so gentle and soft.
Caleb felt such a release at finally being able to kiss her. It felt so right in that loaded moment and he basked in the delight of being so close to her, breathing her in. It occurred to him suddenly, that this was not in his plan. If he wanted to retain a formal relationship as Duke and Duchess, he was confusing things by involving his emotions. To give in to his primal urges was to fail at his ducal duty – he had to maintain professionalism and stoicism if he were to continue taking his role seriously.
Hannah didn’t want the moment to pass and she pressed her face slightly closer to him, to intensify the feeling but as she did so Caleb suddenly pulled away.
He came very quickly to standing, his eyes wide with panic. As he looked down at her, he was struck by the fear of ending up in just the way his parents had; that he might love her, get hurt, lose respect for her, and inadvertently commit himself to the imprisonment of a life filled with resentment and loathing. He didn’t want any of that. He felt he should never have crossed that boundary and let his heart convince his head to relax and invite her in. In that moment, Caleb felt that could spell disaster for the Montwood dynasty.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Caleb choked, as he scrambled for the door. Hannah couldn’t speak – she felt a sudden isolating chill as she lost the warmth from his face next to hers.
As Caleb left the room, he let the door fall shut behind him – the draught from the hallway gushing in extinguished the flame of the candle that sat solo on the table next to where he had been sitting.
Hannah was alone in the dark of the library with only the moonlight shining in upon her. She slowly brought her fingers to her lips, half-disbelieving that he had even been there; that they had even kissed.
She felt so confused – he had initiated that connection, yet he had been so desperate to break away from her. She worried that she had done something wrong, although she knew instinctively that - guided by her intuition – it had felt as right for him as it had for her. It was a moment of perfection and it felt impossible he hadn’t mutually experienced that. Then, she countered, it must be something else. Perhaps a fear of his mother’s wrath or affection for Lucinda that he had been fighting…
No reasoning made sense. She could not understand how he had been so tender and present and then switched into a whirlwind of denial.
One thing she did know – she wanted him to kiss her again.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Hannah pushed a piece of chocolate pastry around her plate with her fork. She hadn’t eaten much yesterday and assumed that morning she would be hungry, but her appetite still failed to make an appearance.
Even Emmeline was uncharacteristically quiet. Perhaps she had learned that her standard levity and merriment was not only being rebuffed by her mother, but that now even Hannah seemed to lack the enthusiasm for it, so she had given up trying.
Hannah’s eyes went once again to the empty chair at the head of the table. Where her husband should have been sat the past few mealtimes but had been absent without justification. She looked mournfully at the chair and realised how much joy she had previously felt at his mere presence.
The clink of silverware against the fine china was magnified in the silence of the room. Hannah slumped in her chair, defeated by the pretence of normality. She pushed herself from her seat and walked the length of the room to the door. As she passed her mother-in-law, Anne’s eyes narrowed with a calculated gleam. Hannah knew that Anne probably blamed her for whatever reason Caleb had disappeared.
***
Hannah bit her lip between her teeth as she concentrated on the depth of shading achieved by the charcoal. She was intensely focused on this piece and it evolved in front of her more quickly than she usually worked – there was a fury about her activity. She leaned in, intent on creating the exact spark of light in the eyes. There was no doubt that the face in the portrait she was creating was Caleb’s. She had not sat down at the charcoal station with any intention to draw Caleb, but he was certainly the face that now appeared before her as she worked. Charcoal was perfect for him – dark and brooding, mysterious and constant.
Hannah heard the door click and turned to see Lucy, smiling in the doorway.
‘Lord Nathaniel Bryant and Lady Sophia Camden to see you, Your Grace.’ Lucy introduced.
Hannah quickly flipped a blank page over the charcoal drawing so that nobody could see she had been sketching the Duke and smiled back.
‘Thank you, Lucy. Please, do bring them through.’
