Tears thickened her voice and it froze me to the spot. Those tears were because of me. I’d done this to her as surely as fuck-stain. How I’d ever though I had a right to ask her for more was beyond me. “I should have had renter’s insurance at least so that would have covered any possessions that are damaged so I could replace them. I should have had someone come over to check on the apartment while I was gone. If I hadn’t been so distracted by what happened with Andrew, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”
Guilt drew my eyes to the countertops. I could barely look at her. “Clearly you’re still intoxicated because that’s the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard, and sometimes you can really be full of it.”
“I don’t want to argue with you tonight, Liam,” she said with a sigh.
“I’m not arguing.” I glanced over as the oven chimed and got up to put the pizza inside. “All I’m saying is you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You can’t control everything.”
“I can try.”
With the pizza in the oven, there was nothing else I could do to distract myself from telling her the truth. I braced my hands on the island and forced my gaze to her. God, she was gorgeous. Even sprawled across my couch, her face splotchy with the remnants of tears and her makeup faded, she was gorgeous. “Look, this wasn’t your fault. If it was anyone’s, it was mine.”
She threw a hand over her eyes. “No, it wasn’t. If anything, you’re the only thing holding me together.”
I flinched. “He flooded your apartment because of me.”
“What?” she asked as she straightened, her red-rimmed eyes coming to me. “What are you talking about?”
“Friday after you broke up with him he came over to the bar asking for your spare key so he could get his stuff. I didn’t even think about it because I was so pissed off from the things he said.” I didn’t even want to touch how scrambled my brain had been after kissing her. “I should have asked you if it was okay. I should have known he’d try something after the shit he pulled. I’m sorry, Char. Just tell me how I can make it up to you.”
She wiped her face and took a shaky breath. “You gave him a k-key?”
I wished she’d yell. It would be so much easier than the heartbreak on her face. “Yes. I’m so sorry. If I could take it back I would.”
Her shoulders slumped and she blew out a long breath. I braced my hands on the island, preparing for a thorough tongue-lashing. Bare feet appeared in my field of vision where they paused opposite the island. She was so close, but she’d never felt so far away.
“I don’t know what to think about this right now,” she began, then her voice cut off. I stared at her bare feet and realized she hadn’t been able to get another pair of shoes. Because of me. “I don’t want to be angry with you, I can’t even remember the last time I truly didn’t want to look at you. But that’s how I feel. I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed. I’m homeless. It’s too much. I’m going to go get a shower and get some sleep and maybe tomorrow I’ll know how to handle everything, but right now, I think I need some space.”
“I understand.” My voice sounded like shit. I cleared my throat. “Do you need anything? Towels or—”
She shuffled her feet. “I can find them.” Silence descended and I didn’t dare break it. “Goodnight, Liam.”
“’Night,” I called to her retreating back. I wanted to say more, but I bit my tongue. She was right, she needed space. I’d done more than enough. I just hoped she could forgive me.
Chapter Ten
Charlie
My confusion haunted my dreams.Not only was I in an unfamiliar place, but the sense of losing all my things, of being displaced again brought back all the insecurities I felt after my mom left. I dreamt of her for the first time in nearly a decade that night. Every time I woke up in a cold sweat and tried to talk myself down until I passed out again, only for the cycle to continue on relentlessly. By the time the sun rose, I didn’t feel any more rested than I had when I’d first put my head to a Liam-scented pillow.
I’d set several alarms the night before in five-minute increments and it took every single one of them to get me fully awake and out of bed in time for my clinical rounds at the crack of dawn. Luckily, I kept a couple changes of scrubs in my car so they weren’t damaged and had grabbed them before coming to Liam’s. I tossed them in his dryer as I padded around his place, trying not to make any noise.
I spent quite a bit of time in it since we’d left Nassau for Tallahassee to go to FSU, but I saw it with new eyes now that I’d be staying for God only knew how long. Unlike me, he hadn’t moved around each year trying out new complexes and trying to find one that fit. He’d found this dinky little duplex our freshman year and had stubbornly stuck to it.
It was in a prime location just off of Lake Ella where we’d often jog together when our schedules matched. I’d point out the cute puppies and he’d patiently let me pet them or coo at the geese and ducks. But there’d be no jogging this morning. I wasn’t sure I could look at Liam. He didn’t have class until ten-thirty or work until five. Part of me wanted to see him peek out his door, but another was grateful he was still asleep. I didn’t want to look at him and still be mad.
I pushed thoughts of jogging out of my mind and focused on getting ready. I didn’t have any food here—I’d have to go shopping after clinicals and classes, another expense I couldn’t really afford. Then I spotted the note on the counter. It was written on a flashcard in Liam’s precise handwriting and propped against the coffeemaker.
Help yourself to anything you need. -Liam P.S. I’m a jerk.
Tears prickled the back of my eyes and then I gasped as the coffeemaker gurgled to life and began to drip hot, fresh coffee into the pot. The scent perked my groggy brain right up and it was ready and willing to forgive Liam all his transgressions. I hadn’t had time to process everything, but coffee was always the way to my heart and he knew it. I filled a thermos from his cabinets and relented by taking a slightly overripe apple and a granola bar. His pantry was pathetically bare—men, I scoffed inwardly—and I decided I’d grocery shop that afternoon. Who cared if I wouldn’t have any money left? I’d need ice cream after I met with my building super this afternoon anyway.
The dryer beeped as I polished off my first cup of coffee and poured a second. I quickly dressed in my school-issued scrubs and packed a second plain pair to use for work afterward. I pulled back my hair into a serviceable ponytail and scrubbed my face with warm water and a hand towel. I made do with what little makeup I carried with me in my purse, a little concealer, some eyeliner and called it good.
I packed the snacks in my bag along with my change of scrubs and paused by the front door. I gave half a thought to waking Liam up, then I glanced at the clock. I wouldn’t have time. Besides, I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to say.
** *
I draggedmyself into work after a long round of clinicals and an endless morning of classes. It was only the thermos of coffee I’d filched from Liam that kept me going. It didn’t taste good after about the third reheat, but it kept my eyes open long enough to keep the patients I saw to alive and take notes during my lectures. The only negative was it constantly reminded me of him, what he’d done, that I’d see him in just a couple hours. I hated being on the outs with him. It felt unnatural.
