My mouth was so dry my tongue was glued to the roof of it. “Why didn’t you?” I asked when I managed to unstick it. Apparently, it had freed the very question I had buried deep down inside of me. I hadn’t wanted to ask that the first time I saw her, hadn’t wanted to let myself be vulnerable, but it was out there and I was completely bare to this person who had abandoned me when I needed her the most.
She looked to her knotted hands as she spoke. “I wish I had a better answer for you, Charlie, but the truth of the matter is I was very young when your father and I got married. Very young, and very unprepared. When you came along, I thought it could fix the broken relationship between us, but it didn’t.”
“So you think that’s a good reason to abandon him?” My voice was sharper than I intended. Anger burned low in my belly. I’d coached myself not to get too emotional when I finally saw her again, but no amount of preparation could stop the words from spewing forward.
She shook her head and looked down at her hands. She’d taken a napkin from the dispenser and had begun tearing it to shreds in front of her. That more than seeing her again, more than speaking to her speared me right in the gut. How else were we alike? Would I leave my family, too?
“I didn’t want to leave, but nothing we did seemed to work. The more I tried, the more he turned to caring for you. Not that it was your fault. You were the best thing that ever happened to us, but when he got sick I couldn’t face losing him. It was too much.”
“Too much for you?” I scoffed and resisted the urge to get my own napkin to rip to shreds. God knew I wanted to rip something. “What about me? I was just a teenager. You left, and then he died, and I was all alone.”
“There are no explanations for the things I’ve done. No apologies. I know I don’t deserve a chance at getting to know you, I certainly don’t deserve to be forgiven.”
“Then what do you want?” I demanded.
“To give you something back for what I’ve taken away. Let me help you with this volunteer thing. Please, you don’t have to do anything for me. I don’t know any other way to say I’m sorry.”
“I’m not saying I will, but first you have to answer a question for me. Why didn’t you come back when he died? When he left me all alone with no one?” My voice was higher than I’d intended, and I lowered it a few octaves. “Why didn’t you come back for me then?”
She couldn’t look me in the eye. “I was ashamed and I felt like your life would be better, less complicated and happier if I weren’t in it.”
I was silent for a few moments while I digested the news. “Then why did you reach out to me now? What’s different?”
Her eyes brightened and one of her hands went to her stomach. “I met someone. Someone who truly cares for me. I’ve changed a lot in the past few years and I wanted to give you—us—the opportunity to have a relationship, if you wanted. The man I married is a good man. He wanted our daughter to know you, too.”
“I have a sister?”
She smiled the first real smile since she walked in the door. “You do. You have a whole family now, Charlie. And I’d like you to meet them.”
** *
We weresilent on the drive back to the duplex. I’d spoken with my mother for another hour with Liam by my side after our initial conversation. She told me she had steady work as a volunteer with the organization planning my trip abroad and about her husband—my stepfather—John. She invited me to their anniversary barbecue the following weekend. I wasn’t sure if I was going to accept, or if I’d even see her again, but I felt better knowing instead of guessing about who she was and where she’d gone.
Liam took my hand as we made our way to the front door. So much had changed in such a short time since I’d moved in with him. His parents selling the farm. We were both having to make decisions about our careers soon. My mother. God, I had a whole family out there I’d never known about and I didn’t know how to feel about it.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked when we got inside.
I shook my head. “I will, eventually, but right now, I just want to be with you for a while. Everything else may not make sense, but when I’m with you, when you touch me, it’s like I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Is that okay?”
“That’s more than okay,” he told me as he wrapped his arms around me. “I’m here for whatever you need.”
I tugged him down with me to the couch, needing the security of the weight of him pressing me into the fabric. Nothing felt as good as having him surrounding me. I’d never felt more at home than I did in his arms.
Only a few days ago this space had seemed so small with the two of us in it. I’d wanted to run, needed room to breathe. Now, with Liam, it had become my refuge, my sanctuary. Hell, it could have been as tiny as his room and I would be perfectly content to spend the rest of my life in less than 1000 square feet.
When I kissed him, it was full of desperation. I ripped off his shirt, needing to feel his skin to ground me, to steady me. Even if everything else in my life was uncertain, the one thing I could be sure of was this, him. And for now that was enough.
If our first time having sex had been an adventure and our second a free-fall, the feeling that overtook me as I clung to Liam was desperation. There was an edge to my need that even I couldn’t understand. An edge that made me cling to his arms a little tighter, lean in to him a little closer, savor his kiss a little more.
An edge that made me realize once more that some good things just don’t last forever. And I should cherish them—him—while I was able.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Liam
“Areyou sure you don’t want me to stay home with you today?” Charlie leaned a shoulder against the door jamb and studied me as I got dressed.
“Not gonna say it again, Charlie. I’m fine. I don’t need you to hover.” If my tone was a little short, I hoped she’d forgive me. I’d make it up to her later.
