“Mrs. Walsh. Is Liam okay?” I’d gotten a call like this before. My heart was in my throat along with my breakfast.
“Liam’s fine. It’s Grandma Dorothy.” I stopped breathing, wanted to tell her to stop talking, but she continued. “Oh, honey, I hate to have to tell you this over the phone, but she passed away.”
Chapter Twenty Eight
Liam
I’d never forgetthe smell of the hospital.
I thought Charlie was crazy when she talked about how it smelled like death and antiseptic. But I got it now. The scent was burned into my nose and now every time I thought of Gram, all I’d remember was the smell of the room where they took me to I.D. her body. My mother had been hysterical, and dad hadn’t argued when I told him to stay with her and my sisters at home. A testament to his shock, because there hasn’t been a day in the past couple years when Daddidn’targue with me.
“Mr. Walsh?”
“Yeah?” I lifted my head and found a nurse or assistant or doctor. My eyes were too bloodshot and blurry to even bother trying to read their nametag.
“Is there anyone I can call for you?”
I gave half a thought to calling Charlie, but decided against it. I wouldn’t know what to say to her and God, the thought of telling her about Gram had my throat closing in on itself.
“No, thanks.” I knew I needed to get back home, so I got to my feet and shoved my hands into my jeans. The nurse nodded and sent me a sad smile before padding back to the nurse’s station.
My legs worked well enough to carry me back to my truck, which was parked haphazardly outside the guest entrance to the hospital. I guess a part of me had thought if I got here quick enough maybe I could have saved her. Which didn’t make any sense now, but it had then. I’d driven like a maniac with my hazards on, but I was too late.
Looking back so many decisions I’d made were stupid. Unimportant. Reckless.
I drove to my parents on auto-pilot. I’d been up nearly forty-eight hours, but I knew there’d be no sleep for me tonight. There was so much we still needed to do.
My exhaustion and mental and emotional numbness had me staring dumbly at the car next to my parents’ vehicles in the driveway. I knew I recognized it, but it took a few minutes for realization to dawn. It was Charlie’s car.
Despite how much I wanted her there with me, I took my time getting out of the truck and heading to the front door. I almost didn’t want to face what was on the other side. I didn’t think I could handle losing both her and Gram at the same time. There’s strength and then there’s a breaking point and if losing Gram had taught me anything it was my limits. To be humble. That I didn’t control everything. Or know everything for that matter.
The soaps Gram used to play non-stop in the front room weren’t on, which made the house all too quiet as I made my way back to the kitchen. It hurt to be here. My chest ached with it and my throat was as dry as our fields after a drought.
Sunlight spilled in from the window above the kitchen sink and when I entered the kitchen, it seemed to surround Charlie like a halo. I noticed my parents out of the corner of my eye, but all I could see was Charlie.
She’d been crying and that undid all my self-control. I crossed the room to her, determined to beg her forgiveness, when she opened her arms and took me into them. I breathed her in, the sweet green apple scent of her washing away the memories of the hospital.
“Liam,” she said, her voice full of emotion. “I’m so sorry.”
I couldn’t even speak, I just nodded even though I’d pressed my face to the curve of her neck. I had to bend my knees since she was so short, but I didn’t care. I’d been damn sure I’d never see her again, so a little discomfort was worth having her in my arms. Footsteps scraped against the floor as my parents left, but I didn’t let her go to check.
“Let’s go to your room,” she said as she rubbed my back. I nearly groaned at how good it felt to have her hands on me again. When I wouldn’t let her go, she laughed a little. “Okay, big guy,” and then maneuvered us out of the kitchen and down the hall with me still clinging to her like a stubborn child.
Charlie frog-marched us down the hall to the spare room that used to be mine when I was younger. My parents had since converted it to a guest room. Clothes and a tangle of cords spewed from the open mouth of the backpack I’d tossed haphazardly on the bed. I was acting like a little bitch, but I could only watch as she carefully cleared off the clutter and turned down the sheets.
“What are you doing here?” My voice sounded like I deep throated a chainsaw.Christ.
She nibbled on her lip. “I’m sorry, I should have asked you if it was okay before I came, your mom was just so upset I drove straight over here.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Charlie. She was yours, too.” There was so goddamn much I wanted to say, but I could barely keep my eyes open. My brain had registered Charlie and the bed and all I wanted to do was curl up on it with her, but I didn’t dare ask.
“Well, that’s a conversation we’ll have to have when you aren’t falling asleep on your feet,” she said. I thought she might have been smiling, but my vision had blurred until she was nothing but a teal-green blur in her work scrubs. “Let’s get you into bed.”
I would have cracked a joke if my brain had the ability to form a coherent sentence. All I could manage was falling face-first into the pillows. “Stay with me,” I tried to say, but into the pillows, it came out more, “Starlf bith be.”
“What?” she asked.
There was enough energy left in me to lift my head. “Stay with me,” I repeated. “Please.” I’d beg if she wanted me to.
