The thought of facing the castle, the court, and the advisors—who’d deemed me inferior—sent a trail of shivers dancing down my spine, as menacing as a knot of poisonous spiders. I pulled the fur wrap more securely around my shoulders and gave myself a shake. I’d faced far worse circumstances than their disapproving stares, though I couldn’t think of any if pressed. The overwhelming defeat I wore like a chain around my neck only seemed to grow heavier the closer we got to the castle.
I had no illusions about my reception. No one in Acasia wanted me to darken the court halls again. I was an embarrassment, a warning to children who didn’t do their chores. I’d become a cautionary tale in the time since I left the palace. “This is what happens when you disobey the Goddess’ wishes,” they’d say. Her mother shirked her duties and married a warrior, a brute, so the Goddess burdened her with a shiftless daughter. A male child would have been more acceptable than a girl who couldn’t shift into her gifted form. And most women were looked down upon if they birthed only males. If my birth hadn’t killed her, my failure would have.
“Are you well, your highness?” Leisha asked quietly from the opposite side of the carriage.
“I will be,” I replied with what I hoped was a serene smile. “I’m unused to traveling so much, I’m afraid. It makes one miss the temple.”
“Begging your pardon, my lady, but you’re not excited to see the castle again?”
I peered back out the frosted window, unable to repress the foreboding shiver that stole down the neck of my dress and danced along my spine. I could see the barest hint of shadow from its dominating presence on the horizon. I was excited to spend time with my brother, that much was true, but the castle? No. I was dreading the moment I stepped foot inside the ancient cobbled halls and faced the reality that had me stealing away in the middle of the night, shame nipping at my heels.
* * *
“I’m ready,”I said to Gideon.
He shouldered through the door without another word, and then there was no going back. A flurry of movement greeted me, and I wondered if I was the only person who wasn’t aware of the sudden change in plans. Priests were scuttling back and forth with tapestries and ancient, dusty tomes. Gideon dropped my hand to converse with them, and a trio of servants rushed forward at once to pull me into the whirlwind.
They etched symbols into the wood floor at my feet and wrenchedmy gown from my body, replacing with a fresh one. No one gave a thought to modesty—not that it mattered. They were so consumed by their tasks that no one noticed as I dressed. Besides, they considered my body athing these days. An idol. I’d ceased to be simply a girl. I was to become a queen. Gideon and the oldest of the priests huddled together, deep in conversation. They placed a crown on my head and then a disembodied hand pushed me forward.
Everyone turned to face meas I stepped into the circle in the center of the room, and it was in that moment my nerves returned in full. Incense choked all breathable air from my surroundings and I sucked it in with great heaves, but it didn’t calm my racing heart. I wondered if they laced the incensewith something, a drug, maybe, but I didn’t have time to consider it more before the priests were surrounding me. Perhaps my reaction wasn’t because of the concoction. It was possible the sheer swiftness of activity had caused my head to spin.
I sought Gideon’s eyes over the bowed heads and flowing robes, but it was too dark for me to see. The candlelight only showed as far as the edge of the circle. Beyond that was nothingness.
“Your hand, Princess,” said the priest in front of me, who had just spoken with Gideon.
It trembled, but only slightly, as I placed it in the priest’s grasp. He lifted a dagger and though I knew he wasn’t going to hurt me, a flash of apprehension stole through me at the sight of the wickedly sharp blade. The priestess next to him lifted a weighty chalice and brought it underneath my hand. With one flick of his wrist, the priest sliced open a thin line on the meat of my palm, causing me to gasp. Blood pooled out of the wound and then dripped in a steady stream down my palm and into the chalice.
The priestess took the chalice as the priests circled around me began to chant. The scent of the incense grew stronger, and with it, so did the sense of trepidation writhing around in my stomach. Sweat beaded up on my forehead and it felt as though I were floating above my body, looking down at the ceremony below. The priestess was mixing herbs and tonics in the chalice, though I didn’t have a clue what they were. Such magick has been passed from mother to daughter down the Druid line for centuries.
I’d been told as long as I could remember the ceremony was an honor. My mother should have been the one to prepare me, teach me, but her untimely death had stolen that opportunity.
Now, I was to face it alone.
“Take the chalice and drink,” the priest in front of me said as he retrieved it from the priestess.
I wanted to glance at Gideon for reassurance, but I could only stare at the concoction I was supposed to imbibe. It looked awful and smelled worse. As I brought it to my lips, my knees wanted to buckle beneath me and my stomach gave a great heave, but I locked my legs and swallowed. I’d made enough mistakes. Showing myself to be a fool in front of the most respected members of the court would not be one of them.
Resolved, I tossed back the rancid-smelling liquid and forced myself to drink down every drop. When I finished, someone took the chalice from my hand and the surrounding chanting grew louder.
For a moment, I wondered why no one in the castle could hear it, and then a horrible, searing pain overtook me. No amount of willpower could keep me from falling to my knees or silence the scream that tore from my throat. It felt like someone was rearranging my bones from the inside out. I heard a scuffling sound and then harsh whispers, and then I couldn’t focus on anything but trying to keep my bones in their correct places.
I didn’t know how long it went on, but it felt like an eternity. The thick incense and the pressing darkness consumed me along with the unrelenting pain. Minutes, then hours, passed, and I knew something was wrong.
I wasn’t shifting.
“Gideon,” I whispered, though to the knives of pain in my head, it felt like a scream. “Gideon, something’s wrong.”
Liquid fire burst through my chest and I swallowed back another scream. I didn’t want to seem weak, didn’t want them to think their queen couldn’t handle shifting like every other person in the realm, even though I was certain I was being torn in two.
“Elena,” came Gideon’s voice. “Elena, all you have to do is let go. Let go and the pain will go away.”
I tried. Goddess above, I tried. No matter how much I tried to relax, how hard I breathed through the agony, there was no relief, no shift to take it away. “I can’t,” I moaned, after an eternity. “Something’s wrong, Gideon. I can’t shift.”
His silence was answer enough. Even the chanting seemed to hush at my words.
“Come, now,” the priest said, at last. “You must do this for Acasia.”
In that moment, had I access to a weapon, I would have gladly sunk it in his smug face. Such a violent outburst wasn’t befitting of a woman, so I dropped my gaze. Sweat dripped from my brow onto the wooden floor beneath me. It coated my new dress and made it cling to my skin. “I’m trying,” I seethed. “Something is wrong. It’s not working.”
