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“You always say that,” she says. “But don’t you realize it’s the same for me? I’ve never loved anyone like this, either.”
“But you will,” I say. “You will again.”
If you stare at the center of the universe, there is a coldness there. A blankness. Ultimately, the universe doesn’t care about us. Time doesn’t care abou
t us.
That’s why we have to care about each other.
The minutes are passing. Midnight is approaching.
“I want to fall asleep next to you,” I whisper.
This is my last wish.
She nods, agrees.
We leave the tree house, run quickly through the night to get back to the light of the house, the music we’ve left behind. 11:13. 11:14. We go to the bedroom and take off our shoes. 11:15. 11:16. She gets in the bed and I turn off the lights. I join her there.
I lie on my back and she curls into me. I am reminded of a beach, an ocean.
There is so much to say, but there’s no point in saying it. We already know.
She reaches up to my cheek, turns my head. Kisses me. Minute after minute after minute, we kiss.
“I want you to remember that tomorrow,” she says.
Then we return to breathing. We return to lying there. Sleep approaches.
“I’ll remember everything,” I tell her.
“So will I,” she promises.
I will never have a photograph of her to carry around in my pocket. I will never have a letter in her handwriting, or a scrap-book of everything we’ve done. I will never share an apartment with her in the city. I will never know if we are listening to the same song at the same time. We will not grow old together. I will not be the person she calls when she’s in trouble. She will not be the person I call when I have stories to tell. I will never be able to keep anything she’s given to me.
I watch her as she falls asleep next to me. I watch her as she breathes. I watch her as the dreams take hold.
This memory.
I will only have this.
I will always have this.
He will remember this, too. He will feel this. He will know it’s been a perfect afternoon, a perfect evening.
He will wake up next to her, and he will feel lucky.
Times moves on. The universe stretches out. I take a Post-it of a heart and move it from my body to hers. I see it sitting there.
I close my eyes. I say goodbye. I fall asleep.
Day 6034
I wake up two hours away, in the body of a girl named Katie.
Katie doesn’t know it, but today she’s going far away from here. It will be a total disruption to her routine, a complete twist in the way her life is supposed to go. But she has the luxury of time to smooth it out. Over the course of her life, this day will be a slight, barely noticeable aberration.
But for me, it is the change of the tide. For me, it is the start of a present that has both a past and a future.
