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“I got to meet your parents,” I say.
“And what was your impression?”
“I think they both care about you, in their own way.”
She laughs. “Well said.”
“Well, it was nice to meet them.”
“I’ll be sure to remember that when you really meet them. ‘Mom and Dad, this is A. You think you’re meeting him for the first time, but actually, you’ve met him before, when he was in my body.’ ”
“I’m sure that’ll go over well.”
Of course, we both know it won’t go over at all. There’s no way for me to meet her parents. Not as myself.
I don’t say it, and neither does she. I don’t even know if she’s thinking it in the pause that ensues. But I am.
“It can never happen again, right?” she eventually asks. “You’re never the same person twice.”
“Correct. It will never happen again.”
“No offense, but I’m relieved I don’t have to go to sleep wondering if I’m going to wake up with you in control. Once, I guess I can deal with. But don’t make a habit of it.”
“I promise—I want to make a habit of being with you, but not that way.”
And there it is: I had to go and bring up the issue
of where we go from here. We got through the past, are enjoying the present, but now I push it and we stumble on the future.
“You’ve seen my life,” she says. “Tell me a way you think this can work.”
“We’ll find a way,” I tell her.
“That’s not an answer. It’s a hope.”
“Hope’s gotten us this far. Not answers.”
She gives me a hint of a grin. “Good point.” She takes a sip of coffee, and I can tell another question’s coming. “I know this is weird, but … I keep wondering. Are you really not a boy or a girl? I mean, when you were in my body, did you feel more … at home than you would in the body of a boy?”
It’s interesting to me that this is the thing she’s hung up on.
“I’m just me,” I tell her. “I always feel at home and I never feel at home. That’s just the way it is.”
“And when you’re kissing someone?”
“Same thing.”
“And during sex?”
“Is Dylan blushing?” I ask. “Right now, is he blushing?”
“Yeah,” Rhiannon says.
“Good. Because I know I am.”
“You’ve never had—?”
“It wouldn’t be fair of me to—”
