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“Don’t go out there, Frankie. ”
She huffs. “I know, West. I’m not stupid. ”
“Did he sound mad?”
“He sounds drunk. ”
“Why do you say that?”
“He’s all, like, slobbery. ”
“Jesus. ”
She’s silent a moment. “I don’t hear him pounding anymore. ”
She’s more herself now. I think she feels better in the shower with the doors all locked. Plus, she likes knowing something I don’t know. Being the one who tells me things for a change.
“I’m going to see if his truck is still there. ”
“Be careful. ”
“I will. ”
I hear the shower curtain again, and then her breath is quieter, more even, as she moves through the house to the curtain. “He’s gone. ”
“Good. But keep everything locked up. ”
“I will. ”
We’re quiet. Just breathing.
“Stay with me awhile,” she says.
“As long as you need me. ”
It’s hours before she’s asleep. We watch a movie together, talk about nothing—her petty friendship dramas, the new hair bands she got, a singer she loves who’s going to be in a movie she wants to go see next time Mom is off work.
I hang up, finally, to the sound of Frankie breathing, heavy and slow.
She’s safe. She’s fine.
But I feel like I’m falling, and there’s nothing solid for me to grab hold of.
DECEMBER
Caroline
I wonder, sometimes, why I couldn’t see what was happening.
I mean, it was obvious to absolutely everyone. It should have been obvious to me. That night on the roof, how it ended, how my lips felt soft and changed for hours afterward, how I kept touching them, how I couldn’t think of anything else. Not for days.
That ridiculous deal we struck.
My impatience for Bridget to go to her Tuesday/Thursday morning class so I could sit on my bed and wait for his knock. Two taps, always two. And I would go to the door and pull it open, and there he’d be. Back again, when I’d been afraid that this was the day he wouldn’t show.
Back again to lie on my bed and put his mouth all over me, his hands all over me, to breathe hot and short against my neck while I pretended that my heart wasn’t dark and rich, full to bursting with the sound and smell and taste of him.
I don’t know why I didn’t understand. I guess I was afraid.
