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Understanding dawned in those bright blue eyes. “And I’m a fling. And I believe we discussed this before the clothes came off.”
“So we did. And the reality is, you’re beautiful and amazing, and nothing and no one will ever hold you down.” The truth behind those words kind of hurt, but they highlighted everything he loved about her.
“And you’re sweet and thoughtful and intense in the best possible way. And what happened was a big step for you, and maybe you’ll decide one day you regret it or maybe not. But it happened, and you can’t undo it. Don’t run from it.”
The logic was hard to argue with, the need to hold her impossible to explain. He didn’t know how to say he couldn’t risk caring about her—not when he was guaranteed to lose whatever they had. And thinking they had something at all made him feel like one of those losers who read too much into anything, but he knew something was there. What it meant was another thing entirely.
“This thing between us won’t last,” he said. “I can’t.”
She touched his hand with a fingertip. Just enough for him to feel the contact, and not nearly enough to hold. Fitting. “That doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist,” she said. “And besides, it already happened. You can enjoy it, or you can hide from it, but I vote for enjoying it. Because I did. Very much.”
“Me, too,” he said.
And wasn’t that the damned problem? For years, he’d been content to stay on the sidelines, first out of grief, and then out of avoidance. He didn’t want to risk falling in love when loving inevitably meant losing. But Rue had come in, tearing through his defenses when they should have been at their highest. He knew pretending would be hard, but falling for her shouldn’t have been so easy.
She wasn’t looking at him but, rather, the small circle she traced on his hand.
“Did you really punch a shark?” he asked.
She glanced at him, startled. “I wouldn’t have said I had if I didn’t.”
“I was a bit distracted when you told that story. How did that happen?”
“I went swimming with sharks.” When she caught his expression, she quickly continued. “Reef sharks. Generally harmless, but curious. One was swimming alongside me, and I guess my camera caught its attention because the next thing I knew, I was fighting to hold onto the camera.”
He pushed back a few strands of her wacky hair and thought a little too hard about how it had looked against his pillow. “So you threw a punch?”
She scooted around, settling against him on the sofa. And she fit.
He tried not to notice.
“Pretty much,” she said. “I didn’t hurt him. I just startled him, but I think by then he’d figured out plastic wasn’t so tasty. In the meantime, I got a couple of incredible pictures.”
He shook his head, and her hair tickled his chin. “This fearless side of you. Is it…I don’t know, real?”
As crazy as she was, he didn’t want her to say no. He didn’t want her to be any less than the woman he knew.
“I might be a bit of an adrenaline junkie,” she admitted, “but life is out there. Why sit on the sidelines?”
“When everything you need is on the sidelines,” he asked quietly, “why run?”
“I don’t think I’m running.” She chose that moment to lace her fingers through his, holding on tight. “This is me. I’ve always been restless, and I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember to get away from this stupid New York royalty thing my mom is trying to sell. For years I didn’t know what else was out there, but then I happened to look out the window of an airplane. We were somewhere in the air between New York and Vancouver, and for as far as I could see, there were rugged mountains. It was just this bare, vast wilderness, and I couldn’t think of anything else until I saw it for myself. My parents tried to give me everything,” she said. “I know that. But how do you know what everything is when you don’t know what else is out there?”
In those words, he saw a woman who would spend her entire life free. Knowing that sat heavily, but he welcomed the ache. It was enough to convince him that this was one good-bye he’d feel good about, no matter how much it hurt, because she’d be alive in ways he couldn’t begin to imagine.
