She’d noticed the change in my mood but hadn’t asked about it.
I was grateful for that. I wouldn’t have been able to answer her. How could I when I had no damn clue what the hell was going on with me?
Relief, I had no right to, washed over me when I drew to a stop in front of Kate’s building. I was certain I’d be able to make a quick getaway, but one glance in the rearview mirror at Millie sound asleep in the back had me getting out without giving it a conscious thought.
I scooped her small body into my arms and desperately tried to ignore the swirl of emotions circling my chest. Kate and I hadn’t said a word to each other. She didn’t need words. She wore her questions like big, bright neon signs on her beautiful face.
And if that wasn’t enough, the way she constantly smoothed her hands down her thighs would’ve clued me in.
A part of me wanted to know what it was. Wanted her to confide in me. But the fucking weirdness going on inside my brain wouldn’t let me. All I could think about was getting the hell out of there.
“I can take her,” she said, giving me the out I wanted.
Instead of taking it, I shook my head. “I’ve got her.”
“Okay.”
Much like in the car, the elevator ride was made in silence. A thick, heavy, unwelcome silence. Kate’s reflection in the shiny doors seemed as uncomfortable as I felt. Eyes on her feet, those palms kept skimming down her thighs over and over again.
I should say something. Anything. But the words simply wouldn’t come. The only sound was that from the elevator signaling its arrival on her floor.
More silence surrounded us as I followed her into her apartment.
I put Millie in her bed and ignored the way my heart squeezed when she sleepily reached out for another hug. One I couldn’t give her. It was a damn blessing the kid was already half asleep and didn’t notice the giant steps I took backward.
Kate couldn’t have missed it though.
Arms crossed in front of her, she leaned against the doorway. The look in those hazel irises burned me down to my soul.
“I was out of line today,” I said weakly when I stood in front of her. “I’m sorry.”
Her eyes narrowed, but she still didn’t say anything.
I’d never felt as exposed as I did then. It was almost like she’d taken a knife and sliced through every barrier, every wall to reveal parts of me I wasn’t ready for anyone to see.
Her lips parted. Holding my breath, I braced for the questions. The ones I didn’t know how toanswer.
“You don’t have to apologize.” She slicked her tongue over her teeth, and her cheeks turned a pretty pink. Earlier, I would have done anything to see that blush. “Would you like to stay?”
Such a simple question. Did I want to stay? Yes, I fucking did. Not just for the night either. I wanted... Fuck. I wasn’t ready to admit what I wanted.
That was why I shuffled past her and headed for the door. “Can’t. Made plans with Rafe.”
I didn’t look at her over my shoulder. Couldn’t stand to see the hurt I’d undoubtedly put on her face. It was a dick move. A coward’s way out. Kate deserved better.
That last thought followed me home. Mocked me in the silence of my bedroom where all I saw—all I could think about—was her.
“Fuck,” I roared into the night.
It had to stop.
Yanking my phone from my bedside table, I scrolled through my contacts and stabbed the green button.
Rafe answered on the fifth ring.
I spoke before he could. “I’m bored. Let’s go out.”
The same fucking silence I’d wanted to escape filtered through the line. One, two seconds ticked by before his voice finally sounded, “He lives.”
