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“No, I guess not,” I replied.
“Actually, I’m flattered,” she said.
“Why is that?”
“Because of all the hot girls at this party, you picked me to watch obsessively.”
“I guess that’s one way to look at it,” I said under my breath but loudly enough to be heard.
“What I want to know is, why me?” she asked.
I shrugged.
“I know it’s not because I’m the hottest one here,” she said in a self-deprecating tone.
“What makes you so sure?”
She tilted her head and flashed me a look of exasperation. “While I appreciate the flattery, it isn’t necessary,” she said. “I want to know the truth. Why me?”
“Honestly?” I said.
“No,” she replied flatly. “I want you to lie to me.” She dusted off her beer before adding, “Yes, honestly.”
“It’s because you remind me of myself,” I said.
“In what way?”
“It’s the way you worked the room,” I said after a brief pause to decide whether or not I wanted to go down this rabbit hole.
“How so?” she said.
“It’s hard to explain.”
“Try,” she said.
“You were watching, observing, lingering, not really a part of anything,” I said, still holding back for fear of saying the wrong thing.
“Keep going,” she said.
Fuck it, I thought. Just let it out. And so I did.
“It’s like you think you’re better than everyone else,” I said. “That they’re beneath you somehow. That you’re cooler than them, smarter than them, more evolved than them. But you’re also smart enough to not let them know how you feel. As far as they’re concerned, you’re one of them, even though you know that’s the furthest thing from the truth. And the whole time, you’re trying to decide if it would just be easier if you could be exactly like them: oblivious, banal, satisfied. But you always come to the conclusion that you’re better off exactly who you are, no matter how difficult that can be at times.”
I fell quiet. I was no longer looking at my new friend, but staring blankly at the window and the darkness outside.
“So that’s how you see yourself?” she asked after a few seconds of comfortable silence.
“Yep,” I replied.
“Which also means that’s how you see me,” she said.
It wasn’t really a question but I answered it anyway with a nod of my head. “Although I have to admit, it’s strange saying those things out loud. I don’t think I’ve ever verbalized them before.”
“Me neither,” she said quietly. “But that’s exactly how I see myself too. And, not coincidentally, you too.”
I looked up at her. “So what happens now?”
“Whatever we want.”
