“Thank you,” I said, surprised. “That’s very mature of you.”
“Happens despite my efforts to avoid it.” His smile faded as he continued. “But poking the bear to see if you remembered, that wasn’t very mature. In fact, it was pretty shitty. I’m sorry.”
As much as I appreciated the apology, it gave me a sick feeling that this secret would always be out there, and I would always be at his mercy to keep it. “That can never happen again.” I was terrified it was going to ruin my relationship with Kai, and I was pretty sure it showed.
Reef’s expression softened. “Listen, don’t stress.” He put his arm around me in a completely platonic gesture, but I tensed up immediately. His arm slinked from my shoulders and he placed his hand on my knee. “I won’t tell if you don’t. But you’ve got to relax. Don’t make it into something worse than it really is.”
How was I supposed to relax? I had fucked my boyfriend’s twin brother, which might not be worse than thinking my boyfriend was his twin the first time I fucked him. “Easy for you to say.”
“Listen, the last thing I’d ever want is to hurt my brother. Don’t worry about this ghost from your past. I promise it won’t come back to haunt you.”
“Good. Thanks.” My shoulders relaxed as I let out a long breath.
“Don’t dwell on this, Jasmine. We have far bigger fish to fry right now.”
The tension returned to my neck and throat. I’d gotten used to the comfort of denial. “Is anything happening with that? Seems like crickets all around.”
“That’s a good thing.”
He seemed to be evading my questions, which made me think he was hiding something. “Right, but, eventually something’s got to give. Right?” I waited.
“We can’t predict the future. We just have to deal with it as it comes,” he said, vaguely reassuring.
Or you can overthink it to the point of obsession and spiral, I thought. To each their own. “Keep on living in the moment, even when the moments get weirder and weirder.”
He lifted his fist, bicep flexing. “Chin up, muscle forward.”
The banter was no longer entertaining. I felt sick to my stomach. “I gotta go,” I said, and bolted off the bench.
CHAPTER 19
JASMINE
Now that it was out in the open, if only with Reef, there was no more clinging to the fantasy that our one-night stand was a forgotten memory. Acknowledging it to one another had made it real, and I hated it. My only options now were to keep the secret to myself, or come clean. The thought of either made the pit in my stomach churn.
Add the threat of violent drug smugglers lurking in the darkness, and I was living a new hell I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemies. Flashbacks of the cold gun barrel pressed to my temple kept me keenly aware I was nothing more than a disposable obstacle to those thugs. It should’ve felt reassuring that there had been no sign of them since the attack, but it didn’t. Every day that passed with nothing to report felt like one day closer to the shit hitting the fan.
If I allowed myself to dwell on the extent of the danger we were in, I’d be paralyzed by fear. Better to pretend none of it was happening. It was either that or lose my mind. Avoidance was a tried-and-true MO, and I was sticking with it. To keep myself from spiraling into paranoia, I painted.
The Paradise Key commission had been a blessing as much for my mental state as it was for my bank account. Creating kept me from obsessing over either of the major fears I avoided so ferociously. I looked proudly at the final finished painting on my easel. It seemed surreal…dreams coming true while living a silent, secret nightmare.
Fortunately for me, denial also seemed to be Kai’s default coping mechanism. We avoided the elephant in the room with cooking, watching movies, and having lots of sex. The best sex I’d ever had, I must add. It was a bliss-filled fever dream.
Perfect.
Except for the nagging awareness that this alternate reality where the real-life dangers didn’t exist wasn’t real. We were playing house in a house of cards. But it beat the alternative of freaking the fuck out.
Delivering my works to the Paradise Key general manager, Violet, wasn’t as daunting as it could have been since she happened to be Corinne’s best friend. Still, while gathering my canvases into two neat stacks, my heart pounded and my throat tightened. Corinne would be coming shortly to take me out to the island.
Violet would surely be gracious even if she wasn’t particularly impressed. I was proud of my work, but nervous nonetheless. Worst case, it was still a free trip out to an exclusive private island resort. And my paintings would be on display at Paradise Key. Even if the exposure was in some hidden corner, it beat being relegated to the bathroom of the local dive bar.
My phone dinged on the counter while I wrestled with brown craft paper and masking tape. After I got two of the paintings wrapped I checked the message.
Corinne:Be there in 5.
Shit! I’d better hurry. I wrangled the other three paintings into another parcel and rushed to put on some mascara and lip gloss. First impressions were everything.
A faint honk came from outside at the same time as my phone dinged again. Corinne was grinning from underneath Jackie-O black shades in her little red Prius, window down, her round belly nearly touching the steering wheel.
