“We’re neighbors this time.” Robert points to the room next to him. It’s weird to see him be so nonchalant when he abandoned Matt to finish all of their PR duties by himself just hours earlier.
Still, Matt steps back to let him in. “I don’t have any more racing advice for you, so you’ll just have to beat me yourself this time.” He smiles, but Robert doesn’t return it.
“I actually have something to talk to you about?”
Despite the questioning lilt, Robert stands straighter, his expression almost somber.
“Yeah, alright, sure.” Matt can’t remember the last time the two of them had an actual serious conversation. “Let’s… you can sit anywhere.”
Robert chooses a corner of the foot of Matt’s bed. He pulls a leg up under him, while the other leg hangs freely off the edge, like he’s ready to run at a moment’s notice.
Matt takes the other corner. “So… what’s up?”
Robert takes a deep breath and asks, “Did you ever come out to my dad?”
“Um…” It wasn’t really acoming out, more like an accident. “Not exactly?”
“But you talked with him about it? About being gay?”
“Yeah, once.” It wasn’t weird to have those big talks with Mr. Miller when he was the only adult they’d see for weeks at a time.
“Once,” Robert repeats with a scoff.
Was he upset he wasn’t the first to know? “What’s this about?”
“Did my dad ever tell you to choose between being gay and racing in Formation 1?”
“No.” Matt was never under the impression his sexuality was a choice. “Like I said before, he justcautioned?—”
“He told you to hide it.”
“Well, yeah.”
Robert stands again and paces in front of the television, his arms swinging. It’s a nervous thing, or a frustrated thing—something he used to do when he was filled with rage, anguish, or any other sort of big, negative emotion.
Matt watches him and struggles to find something to say. “That was years ago, though. Why are you bringing it up now? It’s fine.”
“It’s notfine,” Robert growls. “Every single time you say something’s fine, it’s not fine.”
From his seated position, it’s like being scolded by a schoolteacher. Matt stands and keeps his chin raised. “You like your privacy too, right? What’s the difference between your silence and mine?”
“This isn’t aboutprivacy, it’s about fear. The way you talked to me backstage? That was fear. And it was my father who did that to you.”
“You can’t blame your father for?—”
“The fuck I can!” Robert’s hands fly out, punctuating his frustration. “He’s always been such aTexas boy. A misogynist, racist, homophobicasshole!For his words to still be haunting?—”
“I probably would’ve kept it quiet anyways!” Matt snaps back. “Fuck knows I’ve always been the weird one—I don’t need to be gay on top of it. Your dad did me afavor.”
“Oh yeah, what a big fuckin’ favor. Who the fuck isMatthew?!”
Matt tenses. “That’s different.”
“I don’t see how! Tell me why I looked at the fuckin’ Form 4 roster, and there was some ‘Matthew Hernandez’ bullshit staring back at me. What happened to Mateo? What happened toTeo?!”
Mateo needed sponsors. Even moreso after his father died and left him the man of the house. If changing his name made him more appealing to people who had money, Matt would've become anyone.
“I saw that and I knew my dad had a hand?—”
