A tear slips down my cheek. “I letyoulove me. And look at us now.”
He says nothing, just buries his face in his hands. A heavy silence settles between us as I step back. Knowing there’s nothing more to say, I walk out. True to his word, he doesn’t chase me.
Chapter 29
Brandon
ItfiguresEviewoulddemand to have the conversation I’ve been trying to have with her for yearsnow—when Gladys is just across the hall. I sink down onto my patient couch, staring at the doorway Evie vacated just moments ago.
Lowering my head into my hands, I focus on my breathing.Lord, why can’t I get things right with her? I’ve kept my distance. I’ve been patient. I’ve shown her grace upon grace. What do I do now?
Do you trust Me?
I hesitate to answer. My immediate, knee-jerk reaction is a resounding, “Yes, Lord.” But in the secret recesses of my heart, which aren’t hidden from Him, we both know my answer comes with a boatload of caveats.Yes, Lord, I trust You are who You say You are . . . but I occasionally feel frustrated by Your character. Yes, Lord, I trust You work all things together for the good of those who love You . . . but that doesn’t guarantee I will get what I want. Yes, Lord, I trust You are good and that You have my best interests at heart . . . but that doesn’t mean I get a free pass from adversity.
I sigh as I rub my temples.Lord, please give me wisdom.
Let her go.
I freeze.I can’t. I just told her how I feel about her. How I’ve loved her all this time. That I wouldn’t give up on her. I can’t walk away now. I told her I wouldn’t . . .
Let her go.
Did You not hear me just now? I can’t break my word.
I love you.
I know.
Do you trust Me?
Yes, Lord . . .
Let her go.
But I love her.
I love her more.
My eyes water.I know, but I will take care of her on this side of heaven. I promise. Please entrust me with her. I will give her all my love and devotion. I will bring her joy, happiness, pleasure, and spiritual guidance.
I hear nothing but the ticking of the analog clock above my door while I wait on His response.
Lord?
His silence drags on, and in it, I open the Word. I flip through the pages, frantic for answers. The paper sticks to my fingers, which are damp with my sweat and frustration. I read and read and read, searching for something to anchor my hope to, and then—
“What did you do to that poor girl?”
My head lifts. Gladys is leaning against my office doorway, arms crossed. “Evie wants you to know your last patient canceled.” She eyes the discarded diary on the floor. The fact that Evie left it here in her haste to retreat speaks volumes. “Then she went home because she wasn’t feeling well.”
I lower my head. “How much did you hear?”
She comes in and sits down beside me. “Enough to know you did something you shouldn’t have.” I groan. “Please tell me you didn’t sleep with her.” I turn my head to glare at her. She lifts her hands. “Sorry, honey. No offense, but it wasn’t that long ago that you’d jump into bed with any woman who—”
“I get it.” Her eyes widen, and I sigh. “Look, Evie and I . . . it’s complicated.”
“So youdidsleep with her.”
