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She was joking and she didn’t seem to grasp the sincerity in my words. She would soon enough. Because we were leaving for the North Pole first thing in the morning. And she was going to flip the fuck out.
***
Now, seeing her asleep next to me, so sick and so weak, it’s so hard to imagine her as the girl I met in that diner and took to that hotel. God, she’d been such an important part of my life.
She still is.
Yes, she’d freaked when we arrived at the North Pole but she got over it surprisingly quick.
She was like a mother to the elves. She really understood the role of Mrs. Claus. She never stole anything and she never asked me to stay away from work. She was an angel. She protected me too. She was so strong, much stronger than I was.
Once while visiting Chicago, just the two of us, some guy got an attitude with me because he thought I’d cut in front of him to hail a cab. Mrs. Claus let him have it. I thought she was going to actually hit him with her purse.
When I was sick, she made me rest. When I was exhausted, she made me sleep. When I was too busy to eat, she forced me to take a break and eat dinner. She’s my lifeline, my life saver, my beacon of light in the darkest of storms.
Everything was better after her arrival.
The parties in the North Pole were greater with Marlena there. The music was livelier, the dancing was jollier, the food was tastier, the sex was dirtier…life was just better.
And we grew old together.
We got sick and we got better, we got sad and made each other happy, we watched our grandkids grow as Nichols and Madison both had children. But then she got sick and I didn’t join in her in that adventure.
I eventually sat her down and had the conversation with her, warning her that I wouldn’t get older. She said she knew already since the kids didn’t age. But she’d wondered about herself. And I had to give her the unfortunate news. That she would not live forever like the rest of us and that when she died I’d return to my younger self. That it was an endless cycle.
And that is why I must take my own life tonight. I want to go with Marlena when she goes. I’m sure you understand. I love you all. I love the children of the world and the parents who try so hard to raise them right. I love my son and my daughter and their children. I love my elven friends.
And I love Mar. She’s truly the light of my life and when her candle blows out, I need mine to fade with it. This will be my last night.
Please understand. Love, Santa.
***
And now here we are. The night before Christmas Eve. I’ve asked Nicholas to fill in for me this year. He’s only done it twice before but with Marlena being so sick, I just can’t leave her alone. I haven’t told Nicholas or Madison that I’m quitting this year.
I don’t even know yet how I’ll do it. Pills won’t work. My immune system is too good. I’d just take a longer than usual nap, crap out the meds, and be normal again. I could slit my wrists but I don’t think I can handle the blood. I’d shoot myself but even that seems a little too brutal. So I’ve decided to hang myself.
Everything is set. The noose is tied and the beam is solid. My nerves are surprisingly steady. It might be the whiskey coursing through my body but I feel good.
I set the pad of paper down next to the candle and walk over to my wife.
“My love, it’s going to end tonight. But don’t be afraid. I’m going with you.”
I scoot her over and lie down next to her in bed. Somehow I know she has less than an hour to live. She wakes up and nestles her face in the crook of my neck like she always does.
Then Nathaniel is suddenly standing by my side.
“You can’t do this,” he says. “Your life is not your own.”
“I have lived this life for you for a very long time. I just want to go with my wife. Please don’t stop me. Nicholas is more than capable. My son would be the perfect replacement. And he loves the job. And he has his sister by his side to keep him company. Or you guys can do right by them and make their spouses live forever too, a favor you’ve yet to grant me.
“Marlena is a good woman,” he says.
“She is,” I agree.
“She has done some very good deeds.”
I feel a surge of hope and think it’s possible that I might keep Marlena and go on living. But my hopes are quickly crushed as he speaks his next words.
