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“Oh boy, speaking of getting knocked up,” Bethany added. “You should have seen the way Hal was motor boating my titties again last night. He was so into it doing the whole…”
She pursed her lips and blew while shaking her head from left to right wildly.
“Oooh baby it turned me on. I pinned his skinny little ass to the mattress and fucked the shit out of him.”
“Oh too much information, honey,” Jewels said, wincing at the picture that had clearly formed in her head. “For real. You need to learn to censor yourself.”
“I think it’s kind of interesting,” Adriana argued. “I think I need to try this motor boating thing. Patrick loves my tits. He’s so fucking good, but he doesn’t do that thing you just did with your mouth. I think it would make me laugh.”
Hearing Adriana talk about motor boating in her Spanish accent was hilarious.
“I’m sorry, y’all,” Bethany said. “But I want a baby girl. I’ll let the whole motherfuckin’ community motor boat these titties if that’s what it takes.”
With that she stood, gripped her tits, and shook them from side to side.
“Okay, ladies, back to business,” Samantha said. “Jessica will turn eighteen soon. The guys are gonna go crazy with her. We need to be prepared to handle a lot of suitor requests. I know Gavin will step forward.”
“Oh come on,” I said. “Really? Gavin?”
Gavin was going on sixty years old and was still single. He wasn’t a bad looking guy but he had a creepy, pervert vibe about him. And the fact that he was anxiously awaiting a young woman’s eighteenth birthday didn’t help.
“Come on. Gavin’s not so bad,” Twyla said. “I fucked him once. Back when I was single and waiting for suitor visits. You know what his problem is?”
“Besides the fact that he’s like eighty,” I said.
Everyone laughed.
“No,” Twyla said, “His problem is he fucks like a pornstar.”
“And that’s a bad thing?” Adriana asked.
“That, my dear, is not a bad thing,” Jewels said.
“It is when he wants to fuck in thirty different positions, all of which are hell on your thighs,” Twyla said. “Do you know how hard it is to squat down and take a cock inside you and then stand up? Then squat down and stand up again and again? I felt like I was on some secret, hidden video workout show or something. And that’s just one of the positions. He had me bent in all kinds of wicked ways. I swear, I was sweating like I’d just tried out for a basketball team, not like I was being made love to. It was ridiculous.”
“Guys,” I said. “Please. We need to keep him away from Jessica. She’s such a sweetheart.”
“I agree,” Sienna said. “She has to choose whether or not to accept whatever suitor requests come her way. I don’t imagine she’s chomping at the bit to get with that old man.”
“He can be quite persuasive,” Twyla argued.
“Can I bring up the fact that we’re running short on good looking men? I mean we have a lot of young boys, ponies, but we’re starting to lack in Clydesdales,” Bethany said. “I’ve only got two husbands and…”
“There are plenty of fish in the sea, isn’t that the expression?” Adriana said.
Bethany stopped talking, looked at Adriana, and raised an eyebrow.
“We don’t have a motherfuckin’ sea. We have a little bitty pond, Adriana. You don’t have to go fishing in the pond! You’ve got three hot men to fuck you raw. I’ve got a pudgy bastard and a skinny noodle. I need me a stud. What’s the point of having two husbands if you don’t really like either one of ‘em?”
I couldn’t hold back my laughter. She was so serious. She was actually desperate.
“You do realize we can’t just call up husbands for hire and have someone sent up the mountain,” Samantha said.
Bethany wasn’t convinced. She raised both eyebrows and glared at Samantha until we were all laughing again.
These were my girls. My best friends on the mountain.
“I’ll see what I can do,” Samantha spat out through her laughter.
