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The women seemed to all inhale at the same time in one giant collective gasp.
“What did you say?” Tina asked.
“I said fuck you all,” I said.
I don’t remember leaving Tina’s house and I don’t remember the walk to Suzanne’s house, but I do remember not making it past her living room when Pasha grabbed me and cupped a h
and over my mouth. He held me close to his body.
“Don’t go in there,” he whispered. “No good can come from it.”
“He’s fucking her,” I replied.
“He always does.”
“Always?”
I wanted to be angry. I wanted to be evil. I wanted to be Lizzie fucking Borden and wield a motherfucking axe. But I felt deflated, like all my hopes and dreams had seeped from my bellybutton in a wisp of black smoke. My energy had been sucked from my body. Then I was on my knees on the carpet. Pasha joined me and clutched my face closely to his chest. He was there for me, cradling me in his arms.
“I know,” he said as he stroked my hair. “I know.”
“He lied to me.”
“Don’t cry for him.”
“But he lied to me.”
“I know. I cried for her too once upon a time.”
“It hurts,” I said.
Then I sobbed into his chest. For the first time since entering Erotic Mayberry, I remembered why I’d tried to kill myself not long before. I felt worthless, hopeless, and loveless.
I told Pasha I was going home but I wasn’t. I was leaving Erotic Mayberry. I didn’t pack bags and I didn’t take anything with me. All the shit I owned belonged to Bastian and most of it had probably once belonged to Suzanne. My life was a sham. I’d read most of the rules and regulations so I knew what I was getting myself into, but I’d hoped Bastian wouldn’t go off and fuck someone else, especially without me involved or even knowing about it. Especially when it was his ex.
What hurt most was the passion I’d seen on the screen. It was all real. He loved her whether he’d admit it or not. I could see it in his face. He was one hundred percent devoted to the woman. Where did that leave me? It left me walking toward the security gate.
Bruno was the security guard on duty. I’d met him a few times. He seemed surprised when I walked up to the gate and attempted to breeze right through without saying hello or goodbye.
“Wait!” he yelled. “Ma’am, I need you to stop. Wait!”
I wasn’t waiting for anyone. I’d already made it past the dropdown barricade arm when Bruno grabbed my arm in his tight, strong grip and whirled me around to face him.
“Leave me alone,” I warned him.
“This is against the rules,” he said. “Please. Don’t break the rules. It’s not good for you.”
“Fuck this place,” I said, “And fuck the rules.”
“If I call this in on the radio, you’ll be marked down for bad behavior.”
“They can mark me down all they want but I’m getting out of here. Now let…me…go…”
I yanked my arm away and turned to leave again when suddenly I felt a zap and my body went tense before the world went black.”
Chapter 10
“Could you have chosen a closer bar?” Tension asked. “My buzz is wearing off.”
