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“Did it?”
“It didn’t hurt, but I didn’t realize you already had someone in mind.”
“It’s the classes,” I admitted. “We’ve been paired up a lot and I’ve done everything I can to stop IT from happening. I didn’t want to cheat on you. Then, when I saw you with Suzanne I felt like such a fool for telling everyone you wouldn’t hurt me and that I couldn’t have sex with anyone else out of respect for you.”
“If you want Pasha,” he said. “Then I want you to have sex with him. I want you to give in to your desires. But always come back to me.”
I sat silent. He’d just given me permission to fuck another man. I looked out the window at the setting sun and realized he was driving back to my old city. Back toward the hospital and my apartment.
“Where are you taking me?” I asked.
“I’m going to do something that no one else in Erotic Mayberry would dare to do,” he said. “I’m taking you home.”
“What?”
Panic set in. Was he ditching me? Had he given up on me? And why did I care so much? I’d seen him fucking someone else and I hated him, yet I didn’t hate him anymore. I didn’t want to go home.
“I’m going to take you back to your old apartment,” he said. “Your keys are in the glove box. They’ve been there since the day I took you to my house. Our house. I’m going to drop you off. You call me in the morning and let me know how you feel. If you want to stay there, I will bring you your things and all the clothes you had at my house. You can have a fresh start at your apartment. If you want to come home with me, I’d be honored to have you.”
What the fuck?
Nerves took over. I didn’t want to go home. I wasn’t sure I could handle being in my house. That’s where I’d tried to kill myself. I was still the owner of the place but I hadn’t stepped foot in there since the day Bastian took me away. I hadn’t even thought about the place. It would’ve sat and rotted or eventually been taken by the bank or whatever happens when payments aren’t made.
I was quiet until he turned onto my street.
“This isn’t necessary,” I said. “You’re making me uncomfortable, Bastian. Just take me back.”
“It won’t work like that,” he said. “You need this in order to make this your decision. Last time I went about it all wrong. It had been my decision and you hadn’t understood what you were getting into. This time you do. This time if you go back, you need to be ready to embrace the lifestyle. But I will not force you to go back. It’s all up to you.”
He parked his car at the curb and got out to walk around and open my door. There, he took my hand and stood me up. He reached in to get my keys and handed them to me. He handed me my phone. Then reached around behind my neck and unclasped my necklace.
The change in my thoughts and feelings was immediate, but not as drastic as one might think. My desire to fuck subsided a bit and I felt slightly agitated as opposed to the relaxed state I’d been in ever since putting it on. I’d been angry and worried but none of those thoughts ever consumed me the way they did when he undid the clasp.
“As you know, this necklace alters your thoughts,” he said.
I laughed. It definitely did.
“It was never meant to stop you from making your own decisions, but I have to admit, it does make you much more willing to try things. It relaxes you and doesn’t let you dwell on your insecurities. So I’ve removed it. Your decision is completely yours.”
“This really isn’t necessary,” I said. “I choose you.”
“I wish I knew that was the truth, but I need to know that you’re one-hundred percent sure.”
He leaned forward and kissed my forehead.
“Call me in the morning and let me know what you think,” he said.
Then he walked around to the driver’s side, got into the car, and pulled away.
To say that night was the longest of my life would be an understatement. Walking through the doorway immediately brought with it a feeling of dread and that feeling dragged on forever. I wanted to leave but I had nowhere to go. The kitchen reminded me of making breakfast alone. The living room reminded me of watching TV alone. The bathroom reminded me of my failed attempt to end my life and even that I did alone.
A crushing heaviness in my chest made it hard to breathe. So I sat on the couch and stared at the dark TV. In the glare provided by the kitchen light shining off the screen, I sat and imagined I was watching my entire trip to E. Mayberry. An episode of my life. I saw myself at the party, proud to have Bastian on my arm. I saw Jackie at my side as we both had men eating us out beneath the table. It wasn’t Bastian doing it. I knew that. And I’d enjoyed it just fine.
I imagined sex with Bastian in bed and seeing my neighbors fuck in the back yard and seeing other neighbors fuck in the swimming pool and seeing classmates fuck in the classroom and the feeling of Bastian fucking me from behind up against the sliding glass door when the lighting flashed and I saw other couples doing the same.
I saw Suzanne riding Bastian and heard Pasha’s pleas to leave Erotic Mayberry with him.
Then I imagined myself in the car wash with Bastian and the bubbly girl with the vibrator at my clit.
