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Maybe that would have hurt less.
“I don’t know,” he snapped. “I don’t know anything right now.”
Ouch. Her heart twisted painfully in his fist. Despite his shock, she never would have thought he’d believe she would trap him into something like that. “I get that you’re upset, but I’d never—”
“Upset doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what’s going on in my head right now.” He paced in front of her, nibbling on his thumbnail. He bit his nails? “You just found out about this, right?”
“Y-Yes,” she said slowly. “I bought the test last night on my way home from work and took it this morning after you got in the shower upstairs. I was planning on telling you when we got back to the house just now, but—”
“Shit.” He continued pacing. “This can’t be happening to me.”
“Well, to be fair, it’s happening to me, too.”
He said nothing, just paced, every motion dripping with his frustration.
Swallowing hard, she tried to speak again through the massive lump throbbing in her throat, choking her, cutting off her air supply. The room spun around them, blurring shapes together until nothing was recognizable except the pain racking her chest.
She’d planned a speech out in her head. Laid it all out perfectly.
But now that the time had come, the words she’d so carefully constructed in her mind were choking her, and she couldn’t speak. “Like I was saying, you’re upset, but I’m not asking for you to do anything.”
He laughed. Short. Hard. “Are you serious—?”
“I stand by what I said,” she interrupted, her heart beating so fast she swore it would take flight soon. “I will never ask you for more than you’re willing to give me.”
His nostrils flared. “If you’re implying what I think…I’m not a deadbeat dad.”
“I never said you were.” She held her hands out in a silent plea. “And I’m certainly not trying to trap you in my life. I’m just saying you don’t have to help me with handling this situation at all if you don’t want to. If you want to walk away and act like you never heard the words I just said, you can do so, guilt free.”
“Situation. Wait, so you want an…?” He hit the end of his invisible path and turned back, his face torn. “We’ll have to take care of this ASAP. Before anyone follows us or finds out.”
She cleared her throat, confused at his words. “No one will find out if you don’t want them to. What you do, or do not do, is entirely up to you. I’m not asking you for anything.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said, stopping in front of her. “No matter what you choose, I’m here for you. I was just…it took me a second to get there with you, and to see what you were thinking.”
Relief fluttered inside her. “Really?”
“Absolutely.” He grabbed her hand and squeezed it, his eyes sad. “If that’s what you want to do, then I’ll take you to the clinic, somewhere private that the media won’t find, and hold your hand—”
“Clinic?” She dropped her hands, her stomach sinking. “I’m not…no.”
He held his hands where they’d been moments before, entwined with hers, but now empty. “Wait. What? But you said you didn’t need help with the situation, and that I can walk away.”
“Yeah. You can walk away. But I’m not going to a clinic, and I’m not—” She pressed a hand protectively over her stomach as if that alone would keep the child she’d never even wanted or thought about having safe from the world. “I’m keeping this baby.”
“Why would you do that?” he said, staring at her as if she lost her mind. “And why would you tell me I could walk away if you’re planning on keeping it?”
Maybe she had lost her mind. “Because you can.”
“Is that seriously what you think of me?” he asked, so quietly it hurt.
She hesitated. “I…”
Something closed off in his expression, and any hint of emotion he’d been showing faded into cold, hard anger. “You’re right, of course. We aren’t even a real couple,” he said, his voice hard. “We were just fucking around.”
She said nothing.
She couldn’t. It hurt too much.
