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Regret, maybe?
“Explain what, exactly? That you’re really an actor? I kind of figured that out on my own. Thanks for the warning, by the way.” She held her arms akimbo. “Oh, wait! Did you want to tell me why you were kissing another woman? Because if so, don’t bother. I don’t care. It’s obvious last night was a one-time thing. I just came here to get your autograph for my sister—but I don’t want it anymore.”
She tugged free and headed down the road. Toward his place. He followed her, falling in to step beside her easily. “And let your sister down? Don’t be silly. Give it to me.”
He held his hand out, palm up, but she just stared him down, her whole body tense. “No. I don’t want it anymore. Jessie will have to live without it.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” He withdrew his hand, feeling like a bloody fool. “I forgot that you don’t even like actors—or was that a lie you told me to get me to let my guard down?”
She stiffened. “You’re actually accusing me of lying? Really?”
He bit back an angry response. They were in front of his building, and he didn’t want to have this conversation in public. “Let’s go.” He snatched her hand and dragged her to the door. She dug her heels into the cement. He whirled on her, nostrils flaring. “Either you come with me now, or I will follow you home and we can have this conversation there. Either way, you’re not getting away from me until you hear what I have to say.”
“I don’t have to do a damn thing you say, thank you very much.”
“After running away from me last night, you bloody well do.” He snatched her hand up. “Now let’s go.”
She paled. “You’re not being fair.”
“Aren’t I?” He stared down at her, his jaw clenched. When she didn’t back down, he sighed. Running a hand through his stiff hair, he looked up at the night sky. “You did run away from me.”
“I didn’t run. I left.”
“For the love of … ” He clenched his jaw. “Can we please go up? I just want to talk in private. I don’t want to do this in the middle of the chaos that is New York fucking City.”
She nodded, biting down on the corner of her lower lip. “Fine. Let’s go.”
He opened the door and they walked to the elevator in silence. It wasn’t until he unlocked the door to his flat and they went inside that either one of them spoke. The implicit tension between them hung in the air, palpable and thick. He leaned against the door, eyeing her cautiously. She looked like she might be three seconds from drawing blood.
“I know we both have things to say. So let’s take turns.” He flinched when she stepped closer to him, her fists balled tight. “You can go first. Go ahead. Yell at me.”
She pressed her lips together. “Why didn’t you tell me who you really were?”
“You saw me and assumed I was something I wasn’t. And to be truthful? It was … nice. A lot of women have this fantasy of sleeping with an actor or singer. They do anything to get one into bed, and then leave when they’ve achieved that.” He forced a shrug, even though he was being uncomfortably honest. “I thought maybe if I didn’t tell you who I really was, I might stand a chance at having something more real. Something in my life that wasn’t just a meaningless shag. I thought I might have a chance at feeling normal for once. You made me feel normal.”
She sucked in a deep breath, looking as if he punched her in the windpipe. “Oh. And I left.”
Their gazes collided. “And you left.”
“I didn’t leave because I got what I wanted and was done with you.” She lifted her chin, tossing her hair back defiantly. “And I didn’t use you. But you did lie to me.”
“I know I should’ve told you the bloody truth, and I was going to.” He pushed off the door, approaching her. She backed away from him. “I was going to tell you the truth when I came out of the bathroom, but you were gone. Why did you leave?”
She swallowed hard. “I thought I was supposed to. Isn’t that how one-night stands work? We had sex, and I … left. I didn’t know what else
to do.”
“There you go thinking too much again.” He grit his teeth, not sure how he should take her sentence. Had she really wanted to leave then, or had she left because she thought she was supposed to? “So that’s all you wanted, then? Just one night?”
“Isn’t that what we agreed to? Distractions? It wasn’t supposed to be more than that,” she whispered, fiddling with her purse strap. “We didn’t exactly wait to hop into bed, did we? I thought … I thought I was supposed to leave before it got all awkward.”
“Awkward.” He laughed harshly. “I see.”
She put her hands on her hips, her eyes shooting sparks. “Did you want me to stay?”
He stiffened. He didn’t know how to respond. Hell, yes, he had wanted her to stay. Hell, he still wanted her to stay. But did he want to admit the truth, when she clearly hadn’t wanted to? But then again, could he afford not to? Right now, he needed her more than he needed anything in his life.
And he wouldn’t lose her because he was too much of a pussy to admit it.
