“Do we have a deal?” she whispered.
His hand fell to his side and his face shuttered closed, like a door locking on a secret room.
“A deal. Yes,” he said. “Send for reinforcements, and I’ll make you queen.”
Roa dipped her head to him. “It’s already done.”
Before he could say another word, Roa left the tent.
After the wedding, while the music played through the camp and people shouted and danced, Roa and Dax lay side by side, staring at the canvas tent ceiling. He hadn’t drunk anything all evening. He’d been offered wine over and over, and each time Roa watched him refuse.
For every drink Dax rejected, Roa drank two. Trying to numb herself to what she’d done. To what she was about to do.
Her mouth tasted sour now. Her body hummed with heat.
“I won’t hurt you,” he whispered, breaking the silence. “I will never hurt you, Roa.”
Roa knew what came next. They were bound, and the binding needed to be sealed, absolutely, with an intimate act.
She thought of Theo, sleeping on the other side of the sand sea, completely unaware that Roa had just married the boy he hated most.
Completely unaware of how deeply she’d betrayed him.
Roa fisted her hands to hide their trembling.
Taking Darmoor had been easier than this. Than lying here next to Dax.
She remembered the first and last time she’d done this. How it was over so quickly, and how it had hurt. How Theo had kissed her afterward, smiling, and she knew in that moment that he didn’t realize he’d hurt her.
He hadn’t meant to take and give nothing back. But he had. He’d left her aching and alone.
And here was another boy—a boy she didn’t even love—who was going to do the same thing.
Roa couldn’t do it again. It was too much.
She sat up, her head spinning.
Dax looked at her.
“You won’t ever hurt me,” she’d said more calmly than she felt, “because you won’t ever touch me.”
It was a command, soft but final. And with it ringing in her ears, she left him there, all alone, and stumbled to Lirabel’s tent.
Her head ached from the wine, her stomach rolled, and the world tilted around her. Roa climbed in beside her friend. For several heartbeats, there was silence.
And then Lirabel reached out her hand, lacing her fingers through Roa’s.
It undid her. Tears welled in her eyes. She bit down on her lip to stifle the strange sob welling up in her; and Lirabel gathered her up, pulled her in, held her while she wept.
What have I done?she’d thought that night and so many nights since.What have I done?
Eight
Roa woke to the smell of peppermint and the sound of a strong, steady heartbeat. The sun lit up the canvas all around her. The air was stuffy and warm. And her cheek was pressed to someone’s chest.
Her whole body was pressed to someone’s chest.
Peppermint.
