“I did. Fresh today from the field.” His expression was part bashful, part pride and it was endearing.
“Thank you. They are lovely.”She closed her eyes and sniffed them, the mix of slightly sweet flowers, green grass and fresh air reminded her of happy childhood moments. She opened her eyes to find him staring at her in that intense way he had. Elizabeth’sbelly swooped and tightened. A warm flush overspread her, from the top of her head all the way to her neckline.“These should be put in water before they wilt. Pray excuse me. I shall return momentarily.”Elizabeth retreated before she embarrassed herself.
She recognised the look, she had seen him wear it before, as had Gregory during their few months together. What she had not felt for Gregory was the ardent desire she did for Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy. He was also the embodiment of all her girlhood fancies and dreams. Her heart told her to trust the verity of his actions, but her mind forbade her to give in to the fairytale.
It would be so easy to allow myself to be cared for by Mr Darcy. But I feel at times like a leaf tossed about in the wind. Having no control over direction or where I shall land. I must know my own heart and mind to be capable of making another life-changing decision.
The servant’s door opened bringing her maid with tea, and Elizabeth threw back the light blanket to begin preparing for her day. Darcy had a meeting that morning and would not be visiting. Elizabeth was pleased with the opportunity to spend time with Alex and maybe find a moment of privacy to unravel her confused feelings.
Chapter 35
The house was still as Elizabeth made her way down to the ground floor. Breakfast was served later in the mornings at Matlock House, but the tea she had in her room would sustain her for now. Dorothy would see to Alex if he awoke, which left Elizabeth free to seek fresh air for her troubled mind and spirit.
She set out along the garden paths at a pace too quick to be deemed ladylike. A run would be the best remedy for what ailed her. Alas, she was no longer at Longbourn and with eyes potentially everywhere, a brisk walk must suffice.
With heart rate slightly elevated and a sheen glistening on her skin, Elizabeth finally slowed to a more becoming pace feeling only somewhat calmer. Not quite ready to return inside, she took a seat on one of the benches peppered around the Matlock’s garden. Her thoughts grew so preoccupied, they distracted from attending to the immediate vicinity.
A voice startled Elizabeth out of her deep contemplations. “You are troubled, Elizabeth.”
“Forgive me, Lady Helen. I did not hear you approach.” With a hand to her throat Elizabeth turned to face the countess.
“I imagine not. I apologise for startling you. It seems you were quite bogged down by heavy thoughts.”
“I… have much on my mind of late.”
Lady Matlock sat beside her on the bench. “Not only of late, if I understand your family’s situation correctly.”
Elizabeth looked away. “My sister was young and foolish.”
“And your entire family paid the price.” The older woman waved her hand airily. “That is neither here nor there. I believe your thoughts are taken with more recent events.”
“Perhaps.” Still, Elizabeth would not meet her eyes.
In a soft tone of voice as to encourage confidence, Lady Matlock coaxed, “I am a good listener.”
“You are also his family.”
“True, but I have come to admire you greatly and since we are both here…” Opening her hands wide to encompass the outdoors, as if to prove their privacy.
“I am confused.”
“Only confused?”
A huff erupted from Elizabeth, and she folded her arms across her chest. “I normally speak of such things with my aunt.”
“We can invite her for tea if such is your wish. On the other hand, I am present now and I know the young man in question very well.” A soft smile of encouragement hovered on Lady Matlock’s lips.
Eyes lifting to search Lady Matlock’s for sincerity, it took another moment before the words burst forth from Elizabeth, “He is so… so ardent.” Elizabeth’s face pinked becomingly in a blush.
Lady Matlock nodded slowly in agreement. “He has strong feelings for you, I believe.”
“What if I cannot reciprocate them?”
“Come now, Elizabeth. You do not lack feelings for Fitzwilliam. I have seen you in conversation with him, and how you look at him when you think no one else may notice. What is this really about?”
Elizabeth tightened her jaw and her lips pinched, like she was warring with herself to keep the truth from being spoken. “I am scared.” It grated out of her resentfully and she blinked tears away before they fell.
“Ahh... Yes, we can be our own worst enemies, can we not?” Looking up to the sky Lady Matlock granted Elizabeth a fewmoments to compose herself. “I did mention the troubled times you have endured. A weaker woman would have succumbed to anger and grief long ago.” Her head lowered and her eyes met Elizabeth’s. “But you are not a weak woman.”
