After seeing their guests off with warm farewells, Jane immediately excused herself, claiming tiredness and said goodnight. Mr Gardiner excused himself to his study to finish a little work in preparation for the following day. Mrs Gardiner looked at Elizabeth and slowly raised her brows.
“Aunt, may we speak?”
“Of course, Lizzy. Shall we order tea?”
“No, Aunt. I need just a few minutes of your time.”
They returned to the parlour where candles were still lit and sat very near to each other so they could speak without the possibility of being overheard.
Elizabeth took a few moments to gather her thoughts and better clarify them into speech. “You know my marriage to Gregory was a short one. He was a good man and treated me kindly. But,” she bit her lip and whispered, “why does it feel like a betrayal to say this.” She shook her head and straightened her shoulders. “I did not love him when we married. I respected him and held him in affection. It is possible we would have achieved felicity together, once we had the opportunity to know one another and to deeply love. I shall never know.
“He deserves my mourning. How can I be so taken by another man, especially as barely any time has passed since Gregory’s death? Oh, it is nonsensical. To feel -whatever I am feeling- for someone who can never be anything more than a friend.”
“Lizzy, you are being too hard on yourself. Gregorywasa good man; you now have proof he was a thoughtful and caring husband. He probably would have made a good father, too. But, no, you did not have the time to grow deeply attached in your few months together.” Mrs Gardiner lowered her voice more, “Mr Darcy is averyhandsome man, and in character, quite similar to Gregory. Itis natural, I think, for… feelings to be felt. You are not a maiden, you know attraction can exist between a man and a woman even without deep, abiding love.
“I have seen Mr Darcy look at you on occasion and he seems quite keen, but I agree, your positions in life are too far apart. I cannot in good conscience encourage you in this direction.”
“What do I do?”
“You acknowledge the feelings and accept they are a natural part of being a mature woman. I fear if you fight them the guilt will weigh you down.”
“I cannot distance myself from Georgiana. The pain of such a separation would be unkind. Besides, I like her and wish to remain her friend.”
“Then you must remind yourself daily: ‘Mr Darcy is only a friend.’”
Chapter 19
May 1814
Gardiner Residence
Gracechurch Street
Dear Charlotte,
I was pleased to receive your letter. It is gratifying to know my father has been more in company lately. How kind of your mother to keep you and Mr Collins notified of his well-being. Kitty has been a breath of fresh air for Longbourn. We are all proud of her new maturity and strength.
As for myself, we were finally successful, and now all that remains is to choose where I shall make my home with Alex. I am greatly indebted to Mr Darcy and Lord Matlock for their assistance. Without them I fear we would have lost our financial security.
Jane has declared she wishes to live with us, but I have not given up my own wish for her to meet a kindman and build a home of her own.
Charlotte, my dear friend, perhaps you might even visit? Should your husband be able to spare you, of course. I will let you know as soon as we are settled somewhere.
Your friend,
EC
~ / ~
Georgiana arrived the next morning at the agreed upon time, with her maid and two Darcy footmen as instructed by her brother.
Jane and the three youngest children were ready. Edward, the eldest, was peeved he could not join the outing, but his tutor was adamant he remain behind to focus on his studies.
All the adults and children made a large group as they walked to their destination. Jane has suggested visiting a park which was a little further away and not the small one nearby. There would be more room to run and the opportunity to feed ducks, if a flock was present in the small pond.
The footmen, maid and governess were burdened by blankets, toys and snacks. Jane too carried a parcel with her for the children’s enjoyment.
Georgiana walked beside her, watching the children as they ran forward. “I am afraid I did not play with boys when I was younger, I hope your nephew will not get bored.”
