His answer wasn’t wrapped in any romantic trappings. He’d weighed the odds and wanted to live another day. Simple as that. Maybe he’d been slightly motivated not to risk my death, but I doubted I’d been much of a factor in his decision.
I swallowed hard. The depth of his grief simmered through the bond, raw and unfiltered. I wanted to be angry with him. To condemn his actions tonight and scream at the risk he had taken. Neither of us would have been in the woods when Giulia had attacked if not for him.
And yet … I understood his desperation to do something, even when he was powerless. That was what had led me to the border when I’d met him. My failure with Esme and my inability to help rescue her had driven me to act foolishly—and my problems had only been compounded since then.
“If you had escaped,” I said softly, “they would have hunted you down. And it wouldn’t matter if they caught you, Rykr, because they’d also hold me responsible for your escape. They’d hang me for it and then you’d be dead anyway.”
He faced me. “I’m not used to thinking about living for two people’s survival. I didn’t ask for this bond, Seren.”
“You think I wanted this?” I raised a brow. “I’ve gone over what I did to save you a hundred times in my head—both before and after I did it. Each way ended with one or both of us dead. I considered dragging you to someplace secret, attempting to heal you there. But the chance of us being found—either by a creature or a Vangar scout—was huge. You were bleeding everywhere and needed healing.”
He cleared his throat, tearing his gaze away. “You sure there aren’t any more skinwraiths waiting out there for us?”
I shivered then told him what had been plaguing my nightmares. “She wasn’t just any skinwraith. Giulia …” I shook my head, the guilt rising like acid. “She gave me the books I brought back. Darya—Seth’s wife—had borrowed every other book I needed before I got there, on Seth’s orders. I can’t help feeling like someone found out and punished her.”
“Seth? Or his wife?”
I drew a slow breath. “Much as I want to blame Seth, I don’t think forbidden, dark magic is something he knows. I may have broken Viori code, but that didn’t suddenly turn him into a dark sorcerer. And Darya was the one who encouraged Giulia to give me the books in secret, I think. It’s more likely Giulia encountered a skinwraith, but the coincidence bothers me.”
“Are skinwraiths common around here?”
“I haven’t ever heard of one or seen another.” My fingertips drifted over my ribs and I gritted my teeth at the pain. I was lucky Giulia hadn’t broken my spine. Healing from that might not have been possible. “I’m worried that the vuk might have been a skinwraith too,” I breathed. “Its eyes were glowing, deep yellow, inside the pupil.”
“I saw that, too,” Rykr admitted quietly. “What do you think is turning them?”
“I don’t know what to make of it. I don’t know how you were able to kill the vuk if it was a skinwraith, either—didn’t you say you have to decapitate them?”
He averted his gaze. “I told you … my sword might have had something to do with that.”
Something else he clearly didn’t want to talk about. Fine.
I turned my back to him, abruptly ending the conversation. “Go back to sleep, Rykr. Tomorrow we need to start training for the Skorn, and hopefully, break this bond before it.”
He said nothing, tension hanging between us as he released a slow breath, then rolled to his side, facing me.
Even though I couldn’t see him, I felt his nearness—the warmth of him against me. I took a strained breath, closing my eyes and trying to relax. At least I wasn’t thinking of the awfulness of the skinwraith’s clammy touch now.
Instead, all I could think of was Rykr’s touch. What would it be like, feel like, to have him run his hands over me?
Dammit. I shifted, pretending to adjust the blanket, trying to will the thoughts away. Beside me, Rykr’s breathing was steady, oblivious—or so I hoped.
It had been almost three years since I’d had sex, but this wasn’t just about that. It was him. His presence, his strength. The bond didn’t help, either.
Way too long since I’d had a man this close, especially one half naked and with a body like Rykr’s. If I was honest, I’d never been with a man as attractive as Rykr, and that was increasingly problematic. My core turned to liquid at the thought. He was all rigid muscle, skin tanned golden from days of training in the sun, tattooed and callused hands. He’s probably good with those hands.
With Seth, sex had often been slow and languid, a respite from days out in the field. Silent, too, because I hadn’t wanted to get caught sneaking into a senior Vangar officer’s tent.
But I couldn’t imagine anything like that with Rykr.
I could picture him shoving me up against a tree and taking me there. Hard. Fast. Unyielding.
My breath went shallow.
Dammit, I’m wet.
Allowing him into my bed had been a colossal mistake—not that he was even doing anything to indicate he was interested. But my body was on fire, my need growing.
If this was the bond, it was winning. But was it only the bond?
