‘I want you to come with me to find my family. And then I want to go home with you.’ Her exhale sent shivers up and down his back. ‘If that’s what you want, too.’
Relief flooded him. ‘You do?’
‘I don’t want to go anywhere without you,’ she admitted.
The heat of her body brushed against his side, and Jude wanted to look, hedid, but the vicious lump in his throat held him in place. There was so much he wanted to say to her, but the thought of looking into her eyes while he did so terrified him more than anything else.
But he had to say something. He had to access that hidden well of bravery – for her.
‘Maeve,’ he began. He kept his eyes cinched shut, even when her hand drifted up to palm the back of his skull, her fingernails raking through the short strands. She was the only one he’d let touch him there. ‘About the inn.’
‘No, please, wait,’ she interrupted. ‘I want to apologize. I pushed you far more than I should have that night. I shouldn’t have justmauledyou—’
‘I did want… Idowant that with you,’ Jude said. ‘I want everything. I was just afraid. Overwhelmed. I wasn’t sure how to handle it. And—’ he hesitated, huffing out a short breath. ‘I haven’t before. Ever.’
Though he desperately wanted to see her face, the weight of her silence kept his eyes closed.
The air shifted as Maeve knelt beside him. He finally allowed himself to look at her. Her eyes were wide, mouth parted. The depth of feeling on her face was enough to take his breath away.
‘Do you have any idea what you mean to me?’ she murmured. ‘Even if you never wanted to go further than holding hands—’ Jude snorted, shaking his head, but she pressed on ‘—it would be enough.Youare enough.’
He kissed the back of her hand, resting next to his. Her lashes fluttered against her cheeks. ‘I don’t want to disappoint you,’ he whispered. It hurt to admit, but he didn’t want anything between them, even something as uncomfortable as his insecurities.
‘Not possible.’ Her mouth was only a breath away. ‘Trust me. I’ve never… never cared for someone like I do you. Neverwanted someone more than I want you. It scares me too, you know.’ He raised an eyebrow, and she nodded. ‘It’s a frightening thing, opening yourself up to that kind of vulnerability with another person. But it’s also a gift.’
‘I want that,’ Jude whispered.
Maeve stood. She’d shed her habit back in the bedroom, wrapping a quilt around her shoulders in its stead. She held it together with a hand clamped between her breasts. Candlelight gilded her pale skin, sliding into every hollow, every smooth plane in the same way Jude wanted to. With his hands, his mouth.
The light was golden, but this was a different kind of magic.
She smiled. ‘Do you remember how we used to sneak into the kitchens every Thursday and steal the honey biscuits? I was always nervous we’d get caught, and that time we did—’ she laughed, covering her mouth with her palm. ‘You told the cook you thought you heard mice in your room. You wanted mint leaves to get rid of them because they hated the smell.Mint leaves, Jude. Of all the things.’
‘It worked though, didn’t it?’ he replied, grinning. ‘We didn’t get in trouble. And, if I remember correctly—’ he pushed to his feet and moved towards her. Her breath hitched as he neared. ‘You got your biscuits anyway, didn’t you?’
‘Yes. And the whole Abbey was checked for mice.’
‘Sounds like everything worked out perfectly, then.’
Her smile widened. ‘Yes, it did.’
He took another step closer. Let himself fully sink into the moment, into the reality of her. Everything he dreamed of and everything he would finally let himself have. Without guilt, or fear, or insecurity – any of those cloying emotions that had festered at the bottom of the lightless well alongside him. He’d lived so many years in the dark. No more.
He brought his hands to his collar. Every movement felt fluid, dreamlike as he pulled off the habit Ezra had forced him intoand let it fall to his feet. Beneath, he wore a simple white shirt and the same trousers he’d left his home in.
Maeve picked up the candle and blew it out. Their eyes met and held; a thousand promises and whispered words filling the space between them.
She let the quilt drop to the floor.
56
Maeve
Maeve was no stranger to trysts. Quick exploits, often hurried and rarely satisfactory. Nothing more than an itch scratched. She’d liked most of the people she’d been with enough to share that part of herself with them, enough to risk the Abbey’s retribution should she be caught. But she’d never let any sort of vulnerability permeate the equation.
But this,this, standing wholly naked while Jude looked at her with reverence in his eyes, was something she’d never experienced. She studied the part of his lips, the moonlight painting him with a delicate touch. His eyes took on an unfocused sheen as his gaze travelled across her collarbones, lingering on her breasts, her navel, down even further. He tilted his head, meeting her eyes from beneath his lashes.
At her sides, Maeve’s fingers twitched. She wanted to touch him.Badly.
