Max stopped under the oak tree, his shoulders tense, his back to me. The night was quiet, as if the insects were eavesdropping. “This was a mistake.”
“I wanted... I thought you could come back,” I admitted. I decided to tell the truth, at least this time. “I... you seemed so... lonely, Max.”
He shook his head but didn’t turn around. “Do you know, Mina, that in Spanish there’s no good word for loneliness? And here—” he threw an arm toward the house, the neighborhood—“yeah, here I was never lonely.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, but I took a step closer. Softly, carefully, I laid my hand on his shoulder.
He didn’t turn. “There was always someone just as hungry, just as beaten. And there was always somebody who stood by you. Even a half-gringobastard like me.”
Oscar, his almost-brother. Maria Carmen, the girl he loved. And his mother.
He jerked his head toward the city lights. “Out there is lonely, no matter how many people are around you. No matter how hard you try to fit in.”
My heart was breaking for the boy who’d been taken away from his family. “I’m sorry, Max... about your mother.”
His shoulders rose with a deep breath, and he finally turned to me, his face still in the shadows. “She loved to dance, just like you.” The flash of a small smile. “That’s how I learned. Dancing with her at the festivals.”
I could picture him, young and handsome, much like Roman. “She was lucky to have a son like you.”
His smile disappeared. “No. It was because of me that she didn’t have anyone else to dance with. She had a child, unmarried, and with agringo. That kind of thing isn’t forgotten here.”
I had to ask. “Like Maria Carmen?”
He rubbed a hand over his face, looking older than his years. “I guess you know all my secrets.”
But I didn’t want to talk about Maria Carmen. Not yet. I had to know if Oscar was right. “What he said,” I whispered, looking back at the house. “What Oscar said? Be straight, Max. Do you want to get rid of me?” The answer meant more to me than I wanted to admit.
“Mina, I don’t want to get rid of you.” He tipped my chin up with one finger until I was looking into his dark eyes. “I want to go with you.”
My own breath stopped. Go with me?
“We’ll get out of here together. Find a place we both belong.”
Me and Max. I could see it. Maybe it was the moonlight, but for a moment, I could almost reach out and touch it.
Then he really did stun me. “We could get married. I know—”
My hand went to his mouth, and his lips stilled under my fingers. I couldn’t let him say any more. Married. To Max. He’d come here to say this, trying to get up the nerve, and then Oscar had got the wrong end of the stick. Oh, Max.
He pulled my fingers away, folding them in his. “I know youdon’t think of me like that. But, Mina... I swear I could make you happy.”
Of course he was right. He could make me happy. Ridiculously happy. But with the next beat of my heart, I knew I’d make him miserable. He deserved better than that, better than me. And what about Papa? I needed to go home to him, to take care of him and Penny. Running away with Max would mean abandoning them for good. I couldn’t do that. I had to make things right.
He looked down into my face. “I don’t care about Lester, about what happened.” The moonlight lit his amber eyes and paled his skin. “We’ll start over, both of us.”
Start over. Oh, how I wanted to start over with Max. Leave this all behind... Until Max found out about me, about what I’d done—stealing from Papa, the Rose. . . and the rest of it.
He read my hesitation. “Please, Mina. Just think about it.”
I’d think about it. Probably every day for the rest of my life. But for now—tonight—I couldn’t bear to turn him away, not again. I couldn’t hurt him like I did that morning at the beach. So I didn’t say anything. I leaned into him, laying my head against his chest. He went still, then his arms came around me. I breathed him in, holding on and wishing... wishing I could say yes with all my rotten heart.
——————
It’s not my fault, Lana always said when she put me in a fix.I didn’t mean any harm.I’d said the same to myself plenty of times. But the thing is, even if my intentions were good... the whole mess was my fault. And I’d caused plenty of harm.
I was dealt a bad hand.That’s another gem from Lana that I could use if I had a mind to. But it’s just another lie. The thingis, I could have laid down my cards and stepped away—anytime, really. Instead, I bet the farm and had only myself to blame when I lost it all. That’s what Penny would say. If it was just me that I hurt, I’d say that was justice. But it wasn’t just me. There were other people I’d hurt—good people—like Oscar and Max and even Sanchia.
Tonight, I’d brought Max here, thinking I was doing something good, that I’d balance the scales. Turned out, I tipped them further against me.
