She gave a wry, cold smile. “That you would, for once, ask me on your own.”
It felt like swallowing sand. Leo turned away. He could no longer bear her words that had so utterly laid him bare. Whittled him down to his core. He stood, smoothing his kurta and adjusting his scarf.
“I’ll send more men into the city,” he said, not looking at her.
Elena stood. She slowly slipped off her slingsword and handed it to him, forcing him to meet her eyes.
“What’s this?” he asked.
“Courage,” she said, “for you to do the right thing.”
She left him standing alone in the courtyard.
The shrine room was empty, its golden ceiling reflecting the warm glow of the fire that burned in the center. Floor cushions formed a ring around the pit. Leo sat, setting the slingsword aside, and listened to the crackle of flames and the hiss of sparks. He allowed it to fill his mind, his thoughts, until all he could focus on was the fire and not the pain in his chest.
On the far wall, the Phoenix watched him. Artisans had carved Her likeness out of stone. They threaded Her wings with gold and adorned Her eyes with rubies found deep within the mountains.
Every time you avoid teaching me how to hold fire, I only try harder.
Leo’s hand shook as he lit an incense stick. He saw Elena’s reddened fingertips as the smell of sandalwood permeated the room. His daughter was burning herself because of him. Because he refused to teach her and tell her the truth, like Ferma had said. Shame, thick and hot, rushed up his throat. Leo swallowed it back and closed his eyes.
Meditation had not initially come easily to him, but after decades of practice, he had discovered a trick. Leo exhaled and sank his weight down so that his feet rooted to the stone, which then rooted to Palace Hill and the desert beyond. He saw his worries flit before him, from Elena’s comments to Saayna’s lies to his own inadequacies as king. He observed them and then he let them go. With each exhale, he sank deeper. With each inhale, he felt his consciousness slowly untether from his body.
He became adrift. He knew nothing but darkness, a clean, black slate where the world had no beginning nor end. Rather, it was a single, present moment—an entity that existed within him, an entity that would disappear as soon as he opened his eyes.
At once, he was nothing.
At once, he was everything.
He was the desert and the mountains, the valleys and the canyons. He existed in the space between the stars, within a grain of sand, a part of the banyan leaf that struggled and broke in the wind.
He was the sun that beat down from the heavens; he was the twin moons that helped Alabore build his kingdom.
He was Leo, the king of Ravence, the son of Ramandra, grandson of Kishi.
He was a part of history, and he was creating history.
A hand touched his hand, and somewhere far within him, Leo was cognizant of a voice—a woman’s voice. He traveled to the sound, treading shadows, and when he opened his eyes, he saw Saayna sitting before him.
“Forgive me for interrupting,” she said.
He looked at the fire. Its hiss had been distant; now, it filled his ears, bringing along the voices that haunted him.
“I tried to find some peace,” he said. “But I can’t seem to remain there long.”
Saayna folded her hands in her lap.
“You asked for me,” she said.
“You have misled me from the very beginning, Saayna,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “But I’m not angry. I understand why.” He opened his palm, revealing the ring of ash left by the Eternal Fire. “We both have someone we want to protect.”
Saayna dipped her head. He knew she would not divulge the identity of the Prophet if he raged. To win her over, he had to atone. Repent, even if it was useless. After all these suns, he had learned that the best way to cull fanatics was to beat them at their own game—to show reverence.
He lifted his eyes to the Phoenix.
“The Phoenix protects Her fire, like the Prophet protects Her image,” he said. “You protect the Prophet, and I protect my kingdom against her.” He laughed, a slow and rumbling laugh. “Perhaps then that is the true way to serve. We must sacrifice our lives in order to protect the ones we love. Like Aahnah did for me. But in the act of burning, we become purified by the love we gave them.”
He looked down and met her eyes in the light of the dancing flames.
