“Maybe that’s why you thought you saw something. My sister gets these migraines and they totally affect her vision.” Amanda flips down the visor on my side of the windshield for me.
“Do you think that’s what happened, Murphy?” Mason asks, feigning innocence. “Are you getting a migraine?”
I’m already furious with Mason for scaring the crap out of me, so I have no patience left for him now. All I can do, though, is try to ignore him. I can’t carry two conversations simultaneously.
“Yeah, migraines sound tough,” I say.
“Anyway, once you get your license, I’m sure you’ll be more relaxed,” Amanda continues.
“Why don’t you tell her what really happened?” Mason leans forward so he’s wedged between our two seats, lookingback and forth between us like he’s at a tennis match.
“And once you’re relaxed, the rest of it becomes almost automatic,” she says.
“Tell her what happened,” Mason says again.
“So do you think you’ll get your license right away or are you going to wait awhile?”
“You should probably tell her the truth.”
“Shut up!” I snap at Mason. My head is spinning.
Amanda lets out a little gasp and puts one hand to her mouth. Mason pushes back and slumps against the back seat.
“Oh, shit, Amanda. I wasn’t telling you to shut up,” I say.
“You weren’t? Then who were you telling?”
Oh my God. How to explain this? I sigh. “I guess I’m talking to myself.”
“But you weren’t even saying anything.”
“My brain is, though. My brain is full of things I don’t want to hear.”
Amanda’s eyes leave the road for a second to glance at me. “Like what?”
“Like—” I pause, trying to drill down to the core of it all. “Like do you ever just look at your parents and think, ‘No matter what, I just don’t want to be like them’?”
“Only like every day. You know my mom threw a plate at my dad once? An actual dinner plate. She shattered it against the wall like she was the villain on a daytime soap opera or something.”
“And then, even while you’re thinking about how differentyou want to be, the transformation is already happening. You can feel yourself morphing, becoming more and more like them in all these inescapable ways.”
“And then you’re trapped.”
“Exactly.”
“Powerless.”
“Yeah.” My eyes start to well up with tears. I let them fall. “I’m glad you get it.”
“Are you kidding? My parents are forever in a sweat about money, about saving every cent, and guess what? Now I am physically incapable of buying something at the mall unless it’s on sale.” Amanda shakes her head as if she’s a lost cause. I feel so connected to her I want to hug her sweet face.
“Yeah, so, the whole situation makes me feel pretty fucking crazy sometimes,” I say.
“Now we’re getting somewhere,” Mason says from the back. I guess he can’t help himself.
I turn toward the car door, and as quietly but seriously as I can, I say, “Please, just go.”
Amanda laughs. “Girl, the light is red! I’m gonna go ahead and wait. I think we’ve had enough vehicular excitement for today.”
