Enne was about to tell him that she didn’t think any less of him, that sheknewhim. He was loyal and clever and good, and no matter what mistakes he’d made in his past, he deserved his successes now. She was even about to reach for him, her own embarrassment and bitterness be damned.
But then he continued. “There’s something else. Harrison wants information on the Torren Family. He asked me to send someone inside their empire, to find out who the next don would be. Someone I could trust.”
“Jac,” she said. The person Levi trusted most in the world.
“He wouldn’t want me telling you this.” He sighed and rested his head against the doorframe. “But I think it’s important you understand why I’ve done what I have.”
“You don’t need to keep making me understand. I don’t think you’re half as terrible as you seem to. Selfish and infuriating, maybe, but not terrible.”
He smiled weakly. “A few years ago, Jac was working a job that got him mixed up with Lullaby, a Torren-owned drug—one sold all up and down Chain Street.”
Enne’s breath hitched. She hadn’t known that.
“He was addicted for almost a year. It happened around the same time I started working for Vianca, so I hardly ever saw him. Sometimes he’d disappear for weeks on end. He ran himself broke. Every time we met, I didn’t know which Jac I would face—the one lulled and empty, or the one who was withdrawing...andangry. For a while, I hated him. He’d say awful things. He’d go through these cycles over and over, until it nearly killed him.” Levi drew in a shuddering breath, a haunted look crossing his face. “After I dragged him out of that place and he realized he’d overdosed, he promised he’d get clean. And he did.”
Enne stared at the sparkling city skyline because it was easier than looking at him. “And after all of that, you sent him to the Torrens?” In some ways, that seemed a worse crime than killing Chez. Jac was Levi’sbest friend.
“I never should’ve asked him to do this. But he agreed. Hewantedto do it.” Levi squeezed his hands into a fist. “So if one more person smiles at me or cheers for me, I think I’ll be sick again.”
Enne noted the wordagainand softened her voice. He didn’t need someone else to hate him when he clearly already hated himself. “Lucky for you I wasn’t going to do either of those things.”
“What will you do then? Leave?”
“Do you want me to leave?”
He laughed hollowly. “No. I want everyone else to leave, but not you.”
Enne tried not to dwell on what his words could mean. He was the one who’d taught her to second-guess herself.
“I thought the deal with Harrison would make me feel more in control. And then the wager with the other lords. What happened today at the bridge.” He closed his eyes. “I don’t feel in control.”
“For what it’s worth,” she told him, “I forgive you. I forgive the terrible choices you made, even if you don’t forgive yourself. Because I understand why you made them, more than Mansi or Jac or anyone. I know what it’s like to feel helpless around Vianca. I know how it feels to have no control.”
For the first time since they entered the room, he turned to look at her, and the city lights shining through the window cast splintered shadows across his face.
“You understand better than anyone,” he murmured. “But you have no idea how hard it is to controlmyself, when...”
He stepped closer, close enough to touch her, and Enne didn’t trust herself to move. She shouldn’t still want him, not after the rejection, the secrets, but it was hard not to reach for him. And so she focused her gaze on the floor and the shards of glass beneath their shoes, reminding her how easily another move could cut.
“I don’t...” Levi swallowed and slid his hand around her waist, pulling her into him. His hand cupped her cheek, and he tilted her chin up to look at him and the distress in his eyes. “I don’t accept your forgiveness.”
He squeezed the fabric of her dress, making its sleeve slip from her shoulder. Gently, he slid her hair to the side and brushed his lips against her bare skin. She shivered. All of his touches were slow and deliberate, as if he’d given each of them some thought. And that realization enraged her.
He wanted her. He’d wanted her even when he’d told her he didn’t. He’d wanted her even while he’d spent his nights with someone else.
She wanted to slap him. She wanted to kiss him and draw an apology from between his lips.
Instead, she whispered. “You’re still keeping secrets.” Because Levi was right—she understood better than anyone, and so she was the only one with the power to forgive him. And that meant there was another secret he still hadn’t told her.
He froze, his forehead pressed against hers. “You’re right,” he breathed, but he didn’t move. “Before Jac agreed to the job, he made me promise something in return. And so... I told him I wouldn’t... That I wouldn’t be with...”
Enne didn’t need to ask him what he meant. It was obvious from the way his hand tightened around her waist, tugging her closer when there was no space left between them. The truth wasn’t that he wanted her. The truth was that he wanted her, and it ate at him.
Sheshouldkiss him, just to break his promise and see if it broke him, too.
Instead, Enne hissed, “Why would he ask that?”
“Because Vianca would use us against each other,” Levi answered. “That’s what he said, and he’s right. She loves the idea of us together. We’d be giving her what she wants.”
