“Hey,”Julian said. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
Her vision blurred as he kept speaking, and reality blurredalong with it. She clutched frantically at the sheets, trying to ground herself. It was several minutes before her sobs slowed and her breathing steadied.
Julian handed her a glass of water. As she drank, her gaze caught on the hilt at his waist. Cold, clammy magic pressed against her.
“Is thatMaltherius?” she gasped.
“Yes,” Julian said somberly, and drew his wand. HisLiving Wand.Maltherius wasn’t identical to Syarthis, but the resemblance still unnerved her. Its aspen eyes were clustered closer to its hilt, and there was a symmetry to the grain in its bark and the precise triangle of its point that reminded her of Julian.
Its eyes turned toward her, then blinked all at once, as though curious.
“A Winter wand,” she murmured, scarcely able to believe it. She had fought so hard for this moment, this victory. “Are there more?”
Julian smiled. “Yeah, El. There are more.”
Fresh tears welled in her eyes. “How many?”
“Forty-one, as of this morning. Although the number increases every day. The Order’s still trying to hunt down all the seeds the ghasts left throughout the city, but—”
“Wait. How long has it been?”
“Since the cataclysm? Ten days.”
“Ten days,” she echoed, trying to process it. “I was unconscious for a week and a half?”
“Well, the Order was using training wands to keep you alive at first. It was all they had left.”
“So the Summer wands are really gone. Every single one.”
A haunted expression stole across his face. “Yeah.”
Somber silence stretched between them, and Ellery wondered if he too was thinking of that morning not so long ago when they’d sat in the student lounge and dreamed of their brightfutures. Before they’d known Valmordion had thawed, before any of it.
She could scarcely recall who she’d been. She could scarcely fathom who she’d become.
Julian cracked his knuckles. “Anyway, that’s, um, that’s part of why healing you was so rough. By the time I got down here, it was a struggle just to stabilize you, so I’ve pretty much been sleeping here to stay on top of it. Honestly, I was starting to worry you wouldn’t…”
As he trailed off, Ellery took him in more closely. His usually crisp collar was rumpled, his dark coils disheveled. His sharpness seemed blunted by exhaustion.
“You saved my life, didn’t you?” She reached for his hand. “Thank you.” Julian blinked in surprise as she squeezed it. Then, cautiously, he squeezed back.
“You’re welcome. But it was the least I could do after you saved Alderland. After you savedeveryone.”
Words echoed in her mind, once so comforting, now accusatory:
What if you save me, and I save you, and we save everyone else?
Ellery tugged her hand back. “Y-you don’t know what I had to do.”
“I do, actually,” he said gravely. “And I know I was harsh with you about Barrow back in Nordmere, but… I’m so, so sorry, El. I know it must’ve been a terrible choice to make.”
But he didn’t. He couldn’t. The only person who possibly could understand was gone.
“But you did what destiny asked of you,” Julian continued. “You shouldn’t blame yourself for that. And if those wounds are any indication, he almost killed you, too.”
Yet Domenic hadn’t killed her. He could’ve. He could’ve been the one to walk away as Alderland’s savior. It should’ve beenhimwaking up beside people he loved.
Instead, he’d hesitated. Maybe he hadn’t been able to go through with it.
