“I’m not trying to make accusations. But if Summer’s traitor is a magician, which they probably are, then they’re most likely an Order magician. And they could beanyone. Even a Councilor.” Although Ellery kept her voice level, nausea rose in her at the thought.
“Yeah, but if it’s not any of the Councilors and wedon’ttell them, we’re only fucking ourselves over.”
“I’m not saying we don’t tell them! I’m saying we need a strategy before we do. Some way we want this to play out.”
His leg jittered. “And what way is that?”
“I was hoping we could figure that out together.” Ellery hesitated. “I know we lost. But we’re not doomed. I mean, we learned that the Dire Three have names likewands.That they’vegot Living Wand counterparts. We should tell the Council that, at least.”
“Yeah,” he said solemnly. “They should know what they might be wielding.”
“And have you thought more about… aboutourwands?”
Domenic drew Valmordion and studied it carefully: the whorled fingerprints, the gnarled wood, the thorns. “Val doesn’t feel like some kind of Summer monster. It doesn’t feel like anything.”
Ellery drew her wand, too.
“Neither does Iskarius,” she said softly. “As far as I can tell, there’s no ghast inside. Its magic is gigantic, but it’smymagic. There’s no difference between me and it.”
That notion was as disturbing as it was relieving. But even if Iskarius was somehow different, the implications of their discovery might be tremendous; for their understanding of Winter magic, for Alderland as a whole.
They both sheathed their wands. Then Ellery reached forward and squeezed Domenic’s hand. His throat bobbed, and he squeezed back tightly, so tightly, and the terrible ache in her chest eased slightly, so slightly.
Then he slid his hand back.
“No, we’re not doomed,” he said firmly. “But we can’t lose again, not ever. We can’t fuck up. We can’t get distracted.”
From the way he said “distracted,” Ellery knew exactly what he was talking about.
“We were careless, yes,” she agreed. “But do you really think that’s why we lost? There were hundreds of people at the compound, including Peak. The winterghasts surprised us all.”
“I’m not saying it’s our fault, but I don’t want to risk it ever being our fault because you and I…” His gaze skittered away from hers.
“Right.” Ellery’s voice sharpened. “Sure. I get it.”
“No, you don’t,” he said hastily. “I’m not… I don’t want to do this. This is the last thing I want. But what we want—itdoesn’t matter, does it? Until we beat this thing, we need to be who everyone needs us to be. We need to be heroes.”
“You think I don’t know that? I’ve spent the past five years trying to be what everyone—” Ellery cut herself off, her cheeks burning. He knew. He knew everything. “Forget it.”
“It’s just, I-I haven’t always been the hero.” Domenic’s words stumbled over one another, high-pitched and strained. “And I thought I forgave myself for not moving that day. I thought I was different now. But being tangled in bed while everything went to shit? That doesn’t feel different. And I have to be.”
But Ellery felt different. No—Ellerywasdifferent.
How naïve to think he might feel the same, to believe she might have changed him just because he’d changed her.
“You know what?” she said hoarsely. “You’re right. We don’t have time for some fling.”
He flinched. “No, El, th-that isn’t what I—”
“Please, just… just stop.” Ellery forced back tears. She’d cried in front of him before, but the thought of it happening now was unbearable. “I don’t need you to spare my feelings. In fact, let’s just take the feelings out of it.” She slid Miss Perfect on, expression steeled, posture straight, voice steady. “It’s like you said. We’ve been distracted long enough.”
“I…” Domenic’s hand clasped over his mouth. He tugged it away, then stood abruptly, sniffling. “I’m gonna grab some coffee. Do you want any? No milk. Six sugars. Yeah, got it.”
He bolted from the compartment. The door slammed behind him.
Ellery curled in the corner of her booth. She worried her fingernail beneath the armrest’s mahogany varnish, then violently yanked back a strip of wood.
There was no place in her destiny for a broken heart.
