“When the holidays are over,” I repeat, “but what about us?” My voice is raw with emotion. It’s do or die. Tell her everything. Get some answers of my own.
“What about us?” She frowns, turning back to me.
“Bell. Don’t do this.” I swallow past the lump in my throat. “Don’t pull away from me.”
I step in front of her. She ducks her head, dropping her gaze from mine. She’s trembling, her face a mask of pain. She doesn’t want to do this. Talk about it. But we have to. Because I don’t want her to go. How can I let her walk away again? The answer’s obvious. I can’t. I won’t.
Bellamy doesn’t get to play pretend. Not anymore. The spark between us, the tether are still there. I won’t let her off the hook that easily.
She edges away, nerves creaking her voice. “We had some drinks. We had some fun. But that’s all it can be.”
“That’s bullshit.” I step closer, curling my fingers around her wrist to pull her toward me.
Eyes widening, she lets out a small gasping exhale. “What are you doing?”
“What I should have done three years ago.” I slide my hand to her neck, my thumb caressing the high line of her cheekbone. “I still love you, Bell. I never goddamn stopped.”
Joy hits me first. Then fear.
“Hank. You don’t mean that.” I laugh, a strange, strangled sound, despite the panic rushing through me.
“I do.” His bright blue eyes are locked on my face. “I’m still in love with you, Bellamy.”
“You’re not. Being here is confusing. That’s all.” I shake my head, stepping out of his grasp.
My distance causes a little line to appear between his eyes.
“You, I mean.”
“I’m not confused.” His scoff sounds anguished. “I know what I want. I’ve known since the day you left.”
“We’re divorced.”
“That doesn’t matter.” His voice is strained, frustrated. “You’re my favorite person, Bell. There’s never been anyone but you.”
“Hank…” I swallow, my heart skipping. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression after last night…”
“That’s exactly what I’m talkin’ about. Last night.” He bulldozes over my protest. “You felt it too. I know you did.”
I did. That’s why I’m terrified.
I love Hank, yes, but am I ready to do this again? What if we fail a second time? What if I lose him? I don’t think I’ll survive it.
“We had sex. Said things in the heat of the moment, things we didn’t mean…”
“I meant them.” Judging by the thunderous expression on his face, I’ve said the wrong thing. “You’re tellin’ me you didn’t? You’re tellin’ me the last few days have meant nothing?”
My stomach drops and tears threaten. Blinking them back, I force my chin up. “They meant nothing because we’re nothing.”
“Bullshit.” He storms closer. “You wanna do this? Pretend like you don’t care, like you don’t feel our connection when we both know it’s a goddamn lie?” He lifts his hand, and I catch a flash of silver on his ring finger before it disappears to run through his golden-brown strands. “If you’ve stopped lovin’ me, tell me that and I’ll walk away. If I don’t matter, just say it. If you don’t care, then tell me.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, the pain in his voice ricocheting through me. I can’t be that cruel. But I can’t have him either.
A dark laugh leaves his mouth. “Why’d you leave, Bell?”
My eyes snap open, snag on his. I’m trapped. He won’t let me out of his hard gaze.
“I think I deserve a damn answer, don’t you?” The anger in his voice claws at me.
