No matter how complicated, her sister was handling things with her ex, while Harley was still dodging her own. Not that Bryan was an ex, at least not yet. It actually required someone to say the words before they were officially broken up.
She either needed to be bold enough to let him go or bold enough to keep him for herself. And she really wanted to keep him no matter how romantically inept she was. All her life, she’d run from commitment, heading toward a lonely future. Being raised by Peter Pan had created a self-fulfilling prophesy that always ended with Harley being alone.
She didn’t have to be one of Dale’s Lost Tomboys; she just had to learn how to be an adult. Spring was coming to a close and she was still in Pacific Cove. Only this time it wasn’t just a place to hide out; it had become so much more, and though she often felt like a fraud, there were days she almost forgot she was a poseur playing a role in somebody else’s life.
“Hold that pose,” she said. “Make sure your hips are up high, bending at the waist.”
When Harley had first come to Pacific Cove, she knew she needed to get a temporary job or go hungry, so she’d chosen something that made her happy. She loved the ocean, animals, and yoga.
Today’s class involved all three. “Now pull back into Downward Dog,” Harley instructed. “Remember to breathe, take in the smells of the ocean, the earth beneath us, and—poop,” she said and everyone giggled.
Butt Head, a pygmy goat and the star of her yoga class, ran up Harley’s back as if she was a bale of hay and dropped pellets. A measuring cup full. They rolled down her back and onto her mat.
Today Harley was teaching goat yoga at Nature’s Namaste, a working farm that ran chicken and goat yoga classes in their hilltop pasture. Classes were taught overlooking downtown, with breathtaking views of the ocean. She was filling in for a friend and, even though she had Butt Head pellets in her hair, she felt at peace. Being around goats made her happy, made all the problems in her life seem resolvable.
“Inhale, not too deeply if Butt Head left some good luck pee on your mat or your person, and exhale, going back down into Cobra Position. Hold.”
A phone pinged in the background. “Remember, phones on silent, please. This is a time to disconnect and become one with the earth.”
A follow-up ping broke through the calm but she ignored it.
“Exhale and arch your back, feeling your muscles relax as you lean into the stretch. Really listen to what your body is telling you.”
Ping.
Ping.
At the sound, Ramsey, who was a fainting goat, fell over, his legs in the air like roadkill.
“Before we invoke a mass fainting, please silence your phones.”
“Um, Harley, I think that’s you,” one of her students said.
Harley was about to explain that she always turned her phone to silent, when she wisely chose to double-check. It was indeed her phone. She glanced at the screen. It was her phone and her man.
She froze at that crazy thought but as she listened to her body, her heart to be precise, it didn’t seem so crazy after all.
“Let’s inhale and go to our knees, then exhale and push back into Child’s Pose.”
Harley finished her class a little more quickly than normal, then let the students take selfies with Butt Head and his gang of goat yogis. She walked far enough away from the group for some privacy and read the texts. There were two.
THINKING OF YOU.
MISSING YOU.
She hadn’t stopped thinking about him or missing him. But she didn’t know what to do with that realization.
With Bryan, she’d learned that relationships required both give and take. But Harley had had her moment and lost it because she was too afraid to trust. She’d left him hanging. Which was worse than letting him go because “hanging” implied hope—an emotion Harley feared even more than trust.
Being vulnerable was hard. It opened one up to heartache. Ironic, since her heart was already aching.
“You’re in the driver’s seat—take the wheel,” she said, exhaling. For once, instead of reacting out of fear, she found herself in a place of peace and acceptance. A soul-deep peace that came from acknowledging her feelings. She might not be right for Bryan, but he was right for her.
She had to accept her vulnerability and trust that he’d listen to her,reallylisten. Something few people in her life had taken the time to do. This was a moment for honesty.
THINKING OF YOU TOO.
MISSING YOU TOO.
