There was such intensity to his posture, as if he was about to break under the weight of the world. He was so engrossed in what he was doing, he didn’t even notice her at the door.
She gave a light tap with her knuckle. “Colin?”
Eyes locked on the screen, he held up a finger. “I need a minute.”
She got the distinct impression that he needed all the minutes, months and months of minutes, and things still wouldn’t be right. Putting her worry on the back burner, she clung to patience as best she could. One minute bled into another, until five minutes had passed, and he still hadn’t looked up. His fingers only moved slightly, as if his mode were set to deep thought rather than actual work.
Starting to freak out a little and wondering if maybe Maddison hadn’t been overly dramatic earlier, she became more and more concerned with each passing moment. Unable to wait any longer, she walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. “Colin?”
“Almost there,” he said absently.
“How can I help?”
He shut his laptop and pushed his chair back, then swiveled to face her. He didn’t look like his usual calm and confident self, and her heart rolled over. He was closed off, distant. Devastation and self-torment rolled off him in waves.
He opened his mouth a couple of times before he actually formed words. “I don’t have a plan to make any of this better.”
Standing in front of him, she took both of his hands. “What happened?”
“Ronnie’s business model is to make money—I knew this. I knew it when he took over and knew it when he cut our free clinic hours. I knew he was a greedy fucker, but I never thought he’d do this much damage.” He finally met her gaze, and what she saw there shook her. The soul-deep exhaustion of someone who’d been set adrift. “A dog lost his leg today for no reason other than money.”
She brought his hands to her lips. “That’s awful.”
“He was a service dog to a twelve-year-old.” He quietly told her the story, and the more he spoke, the rougher his voice became until he was at a near whisper. “I quit.”
“Good for you,” she whispered, and he looked surprised.
“I didn’t fight hard enough.”
Her heart ached for the man who had lost so many people he loved. “People can’t always stay, Colin. Losing people and letting go are parts of life, awful and painful but still parts.”
“Maybe, but some of the time they choose to go, even knowing how hard it is on those left behind.”
Colin had a huge heart and he’d been dealt a lot of blows over the years by the women in his life. Once upon a time, she’d been one of those women. Quickly followed by Amanda, and now Maddison had one foot out the door—a realization that must be terrifying for him.
A big part of his identity was wrapped up in being a dad and a veterinarian. Which explained the lost look in his gaze.
“None of this is your fault,” she said. “No matter how hard you wish you’d challenged Ronnie’s changes.”
“Maybe, but it doesn’t change the outcome.”
She cupped his face with both hands. “You are changing future outcomes. Tonight, you quit. You said, this is not the life I want.” She ran a hand through his hair. She loved his hair. Thick and soft and a little too long to be considered stylish. “If there’s one thing I learned from my divorce, it’s that you need to choose your own direction in life and not let anyone derail you. Okay, I didn’t learn that from my divorce. Nonna Rose told me that. It just took a decade for her wisdom to sink in.”
“After the last few months, I’m so turned around I don’t have a clue as to which direction is mine.”
“Then let me remind you,” she said, repeating his promise to her. “You have been dreaming about your own practice since I met you. A scrawny fifteen-year-old who already knew what he wanted in life and how he was going to get it.”
“I wanted you and I lost you.”
Guilt smacked her between the ribs, making a crack in those walls she’d so carefully built and hidden behind. If she wasn’t careful, he’d slide right past them and into her heart.
“I’m here now.”
As if realizing this for the first time, he slipped his arms around her waist and tugged her closer. And since she was standing, he rested his forehead against her stomach and hugged her to him.
She ran her hands through his hair, showing that she had him. That no matter how bad things were, she’d always have him.
He needed a lifeboat right now and she was going to pull him aboard. Remind him of that long-ago dream he’d back-burnered because of his family, his clients, even his own fears.
