“Now you understand why what happened last night can’t happen again.”
So he didn’t forget, despite how drunk he was by the end of the night.
The kiss. The stares. The touches.
If I didn’t think he regretted it before, he just confirmed it.
It was all a mistake.
“I agree,” I say, and it feels like something inside me breaks.
Dane is a liar, and Weston is a guard.
Everything I thought I knew about them is wrong, and all the feelings and emotions that are very real to me are spiraling out of control. I need to get out of this room and away from him. I need to get my mind straight and figure out how I’m going to interact with everyone now that I don’t know if it was really all a lie.
Wiping the tears from under my eyes, I set my jaw and look back at him.
“If that’s all, I’d like to go complete my task for the day,” I say, my voice hard and cold. I step around him, but he slides in front of me, blocking my path.
“One more thing,” he says. He takes a small step forward, so we’re toe to toe. “If you want to be treated like just another one of the crew—” I crane my neck back to keep my eyes locked on his, and he drops his voice lower. “Don’t ever attack me on my deck in front of my crew again.”
His jaw ticks and I clench my teeth together, and stare back with all the anger and frustration I can muster before answering.
“Understood, Captain.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Weston and I avoid each other like the moon and the suns, hovering in the same general vicinity but not interacting at all. He even started avoiding our room, coming in only when I was already asleep and leaving before I wake. The rumpled sheets on his side of the bed are the only indication he even came into the room at all.
I don’t want to talk to him. I’m afraid of what I might say if I do. Even though I understand his motives, he still lied to me. His lie was different than Dane’s and so much less severe, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t still cut me, especially after everything else that happened.
I push away thoughts of his lips crashing to mine, of him pulling me flush against him, of his skin hot on mine as he clutched me in his sleep, all things that blew apart whatever balancing act was going on between us. My chest aches when I think about what came next.
It will never happen again.
I don’t know which feels worse, Dane’s murder and betrayal, or Weston destroying the friendship that was slowly growing between us, making me question every interaction I’ve had with the crew I thought were my friends.
But beyond the hurt and anger, I know deep down I might actually miss him.
The part of me who is angry that my life was shut away in a castle, that I had to live under constant protection and could not decide for myself, rages at him for trying to do the same thing here, especially after getting a taste of freedom on the island. But the other part of me can’t let go of the suspicion that there might be more to it than just his duty, no matter what he says.
I know a thing or two about duty and responsibility, but I don’t want him to do it any longer. We aren’t in Blackwood, and he isn’t my guard. He has no responsibility for me more than that of the captain of this crew, especially now if he doesn’t even want to be my friend.
The quiet, monotonous task of mopping the deck doesn’t allow for any sort of distraction from all these warring thoughts and feelings. I huff a sigh and yank my shirt away from where it is stuck to my skin. The humidity accompanying the gloomy skies is much worse than a normal day, making everything still and sticky, and I’d do anything for a cool breeze off the water.
Dropping the mop into the sudsy bucket, I stride over to the mainmast, and slide my back down until I’m sitting, gazing out over the deck and everyone who is out this morning. Auralie and Fern sit off to the side mending a sail as Fin pulls the other side of it over stacks of crates and barrels, making his own castle. Veck carries crates down below, a large stack of them having appeared overnight full of supplies.
I raise a glass bottle I stored in the shade to my lips and savor the cool water as my only source of reprieve in this greenhouse. My shoulders sag with a moment of distraction and calm as I watch everyone around me work, but it only lasts a moment before Weston steps out from below deck, and strides over to where Veck is cataloging items in the crates.
My mood instantly turns sour and I’m ready to get moving again, so I don’t have to look at him. I set my bottle back down in the shade and stand before I’m startled by a voice from up above.
“Break over already?”
Shading my eyes against the brightness reflecting off the cloud cover, I look up at the first rung to find Jorn, tying knots in a thick rope as he lounges against the beams.
“Hey Jorn,” I say, my voice coming out more sullenly than I intend.
“What’s got you down, Little Lennox?”
