His gaze meets mine, his eyes glimmering as his lips twitch, trying to stifle more of a smile. “And I said no.”
“Ugh,” I grunt and turn away again. “You’re lucky we aren’t in Blackwood. You wouldn’t be able to tell me no then.”
The smile falters, and I catch his throat bobbing from the corner of my eye.
“You’re right. I guess I am lucky we aren’t.”
My fingertips tingle as the energy between us changes. What was meant to be playful and teasing, turned tense and uneasyin an instant. Did I upset him with something I said? I need to change the subject quickly, if only to help ease my discomfort from feeling like I hurt him.
“So, what’s my new task? I assume Taril is going to finish the rest of it this morning.”
“I haven’t figured that out yet,” he says. A bird call rings out across the deck, and I look toward the mast to find Fin, hanging upside down by his knees off the cross beam; his hands curve around his mouth as the sound erupts again.
“It might include wrangling that monster because I am exhausted.” He runs a hand through his hair, and I try not to track the way his muscles flex through his sleeves. “I can only play so much hide and seek.”
I laugh and watch as Fin swings back and forth, changing the sounds he makes every few seconds.
“Do you ever wish you could have a family?” My gaze stays locked on Fin, and it only takes a moment to realize that I voiced the thought out loud. I clamp my lips shut, trying not to look over at him.
“I have a family,” he says, and nods toward everyone out on deck. “It’s more than any family I would have had back in Blackwood.” He raises his right hand and flashes me the ring on his finger, and the significance of it settles over me.
While it’s not expressly forbidden in our laws, most of the higher-ranking guards never marry or have families. Their commitment to their position and protecting the king and queen, and in my case, the princess, takes up most of their time and focus.
Weston has never taken the ring off, and still, after all this time, holds true to his oath as First Guard. Maybe he’s had no intention of taking a wife or having children. My throat tightens, and I keep my eyes trained on Fin. The thought of Weston never being a father after he clearly cares deeply for those around himis hard to swallow, especially knowing the reason he is doing it, to protect the king.
To protect me.
I need to change the subject, to rid my mind of the thought of Weston being with someone else, having a family with someone, or never at all. I don’t want to think too deeply about the way all the things those thoughts are making me feel.
I nod toward Fin. “It was easier when he had an entire island to run around on. I’m sure being only on the ship is hard for him.”
He strokes his jaw for a moment. “Maybe I’ll take him to the Oasis more often so he can at least run around.”
“I thought wrangling the monster was going to be my job?” I joke.
“There’s no way I’m sending you off to the island, alone. Nice try, princess.”
I roll my eyes, but I doubt he saw. “I told you, I’m not going anywhere.”
Just when I think he’s about to say something, Fin calls out, “Mister Weston! Look at me!”
Without another word, Weston crosses the deck to Fin, and catches him as he flops off the beam, flipping Fin over his shoulder. Fin sticks his arms and legs out to the sides and shouts of excitement and encouragement erupt from his little body as Weston spins him in a circle.
Weston may be exhausted, but Fin would never know it by the way he smiles and laughs as they play together. I watch for a few moments before Sig and Taril step up beside me, pulling my attention away and back to what I actually need to accomplish today.
“It’s all yours,” I tell Taril, gesturing to the mop handle. Sig starts to walk away but I call out before she can make it too far. “Hey Sig, can I talk to you? Alone?”
She raises an eyebrow and looks between me and Taril. “Meet me in my room once you’re done,” she says, then turns and heads down the stairs.
I give Taril a quick explanation of the chore and point out what I had already finished this morning, then head straight to Sig’s room. The first deck is quiet, so I quickly open the door, sliding inside and closing it behind me. I lean against it, my shoulders stiff as I try to muster the courage to tell her what has been running through my mind since I spoke to Taril yesterday.
She takes one look at me and her eyes narrow. “What’s going on?” she asks.
“I need to go back to the Voyagers,” I blurt, keeping my voice low in case anyone walks by her room at this exact moment.
“Say that again?” she says, taking a few steps closer to me.
“Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not that.” I let out a breath and start again, trying to keep up the confidence that is wavering now that I’m actually voicing the thoughts. “I need to go back to the Voyagers. You were right before. I’m the only way to get close to Dane.”
