Sighing, he looks at her with sad eyes. “It was such a terrible situation. Joey loved Kathy so much, and he honestlybelieved he could give her what she wanted. The longer it took, the more frustrated she became, and he couldn’t handle her disappointment.”
Disappointment for what? Not giving her a mansion in the hills?
“To numb his pain, he started drinkin’. Not bein’ able to make your mama happy was one of his biggest failures and regrets. His words, not mine. He never quite realized how his drinkin’ became a form of self-sabotage.”
“I only read the first letter, but what was the incident he mentions? The one about me.”
“He took you to practice, and he drank in the parkin’ lot. He got into an accident on the way home, and you were taken to the ER with a concussion. He called me in a panic, worried he’d irreparably injured you. I talked him down, but he went to rehab once he realized he could have killed you. Kathy couldn’t take the chance, and she left him while he was gone.”
I rub her shoulder when I feel her body tense. “You don’t remember the accident?”
She shakes her head. “I remember the accident, but Mama said Daddy hit the tree when he avoided a deer. Which makes no sense when I think about it now because we were downtown. I just always believed it,” she says. “I always thought Mama hated Daddy, but if she did, she wouldn’t have protected him.”
“It might have been easier than tryin’ to explain that he chose alcohol and almost hurt you,” I say. “From what you’ve shared about your mom, I can’t say I’m exactly a fan, but that was top-notch parentin’.”
Dr. Mackle nods. “The few times you did see him were the only times he was sober for a minimum of six months. He’d go through small bursts, but he always relapsed.”
Gasping, Brynlee leans back on the couch. “I knew I saw him a few times, but Mama said I was dreaming.”
“He’d show up completely shit-faced—pardon my language—and she’d call him a cab to bring him home. He never got to see you like that, but after the third time it happened, she stopped all visitation.”
“Mama tried,” she whispers.
“As much as I have issues of my own with your mother, she did try. She kept tabs on him, which he learned shortly before he died. He never thought she knew he’d come to see your pageants, but she did. I think she always hoped he’d clean up his life.”
Tears fill her eyes, and I take the mug from her hands to stop her from burning herself. “Brynlee, are you okay?”
“It’s just… I always kind of blamed Mama for Daddy not being around, and she just did what she could to protect us both. She had almost twenty years to tell me the truth, but she didn’t. She chose to risk me hating her to protect him. I just wish she was still here so I could tell her I understand now.”
“I don’t want you to think your dad didn’t love you more than the world because he did. When he’d fall off the wagon, it was usually the hope of being able to see you again that pulled him back up. He just struggled too much when he lost everythin’, and he didn’t have much of a support system,” Dr. Mackle says.
She sniffles and wipes her cheeks with the back of her hands. “I wish he’d come to me when I was an adult. I know I blame Mama for some of my issues, but I think it might also have something to do with thinking Daddy didn’t want me. That I wasn’t enough for him to fight for me.”
Closing my eyes, I push down the guilt settling in my stomach. She thought the same thing about me. Not only that she wasn’t enough, but that I didn’t want her because I didn’t fight for her. I could have lost her like her father did, and I’d be completely lost for the rest of my life.
“It’s easy to develop a problem without realizin’ until it’s too late. It snuck up on Joey, and he drank to dull the pain. A copin’ mechanism he learned around here,” Dr. Mackle says.
My beer can tower from only days ago appears in my mind, and I completely understand where he’s coming from. I don’t have a problem because I’m not itching to grab a beer right now, but it’s what I turn to when I’m upset or angry. Or bored. The last thing Brynlee needs is to experience what her mother did, and I double down on my resolve to step back from drinking. Maybe not forever, but I don’t want to disappoint her any more than I already have.
“He came to my first dance recital,” Brynlee says, wiping at her tears again. “I haven’t gotten past the first page of letters yet, but the pictures tell a lot. He was there even though I never knew.”
“He was. He was a good man, Brynlee. Had demons because he struggled with guilt. He never wanted to leave Copperwood until he met Kathy, and when she divorced him, he felt he didn’t have anywhere to call home. He burned bridges here, and you and your mother were his home. It’s hard to swallow that he ruined everythin’. And he never forgave himself for that accident.”
A shaky breath comes from between her pink lips, but she looks at Dr. Mackle with confidence. I set my mug down and take her hands as she fidgets. “The accident that killed him… Daddy was drunk, wasn’t he?”
Her hands squeeze mine tightly as he nods. “The report showed a blood alcohol level of .15.”
She gasps, and I struggle to fathom someone getting behind the wheel like that. “That’s almost double the legal limit. Why would he get into a car?”
“I don’t know,” Dr. Mackle admits. “I know it’s not much of a consolation, but his accident was eye openin’ for me. I didn’t see the coroner’s report until after the funeral, and that was mypoint of no return. My wife was threatenin’ to leave me, and I could have lost my practice.”
“You could have lost everything like he had,” Brynlee says and gives him a shaky smile. “It is a consolation. Something good came out of it.”
“No one in town knows. I go to meetin’s over an hour away to keep it quiet, so I’d appreciate if we could keep this between us.”
I nod. “Of course.”
“I was sorry to hear about your mom, Brynlee. She wasn’t my favorite person, but knowin’ that she didn’t run Joey’s name through the mud, especially with you, makes me respect her more.”
