“That’s not fair,” she says, the tears finally falling.
I close my eyes and shake my head. “I’m not tryin’ to be unfair. I’m tryin’ to figure out how I fit into your world. Why you want to be with me.”
“Because I love you.”
“Do you even know what love is?”
Brynlee doesn’t say anything, and when I open my eyes, she’s moved away from the door towards the living room, her mouth open as the tears continue to stream down her face. “You should go.”
“This is comin’ out all—”
“No, I think it’s coming out right. How you really feel. I’ve said how I feel, but the difference is, Idoknow what I want. You seem to be the one unsure.”
I want her. Only her. “Brynlee—”
“Please, Rhett, I need you to leave. I can’t talk to you right now.”
Her lip quivers, and I just nod. I don’t know what to say anymore, anyway. I open the door and step onto the porch. Before I even turn around, the door shuts behind me, and I hear the bolt lock clicking into place.
Hanging my head, I sigh. It’s what needs to happen, but I didn’t think I would be the one who put the wheels in motion. I can’t get my head on straight, and instead of convincing her to stay with me instead of going back to Kevin, I just gave her every reason to run far, far away from me. And if she leaves me, I don’t think there’s anyone to blame but myself.
So much for showing her she’s better off with me.
Chapter Twenty-One
Brynlee
After Rhett left, I crawled into bed and cried until I passed out, my arms clutching the bear he won me on our first official date. It didn’t do me much good because the little sleep I did get was nothing more than restless.
When I woke up, I felt even worse than I expected. Like the first and only night I got drunk in college with my roommate.Mama always told me not to drink, and I rebelled. It was the day I swore off alcohol forever.
“I told him I love him, and he said he doesn’t think I know what love is,” I say as my stomach knots and churns. “This is the end. I know it is, but I don’t know why he’s doing this.”
I’m suddenly too hot. Throwing the covers off me, the familiar nauseous feeling washes over me, and I jump up to run to the bathroom. Vomiting from emotional distress isn’t new to me. It’s happened most of my life, but I don’t think I’ve been this upset since Mama died. I spent the three nights after her death sleeping in the bathroom.
Everything I ate yesterday comes back up, and I feel worse than I did when I opened my eyes this morning. My head aches, and I feel like death. At least I managed to get the flour out of my hair before crawling into bed. It’s not just my aching head that hurts. My chest feels broken. My heart shattered.
My phone rings in the bedroom, and I pull myself up off the bathroom floor. I hope to see Rhett’s name. All night, I prayed for a call or text from him telling me he’s sorry and wasn’t in his right mind yesterday. He was drunk or something, and that we can fix whatever the issue is together. That we’re not over. It was just a stupid fight, and I jumped to the wrong conclusion.
I glance at the clock and gasp. It’s afternoon already. I laid in bed all day, and I haven’t even attempted to get ready yet.
The ringing stops before I reach the phone, and I see red the moment I see Kevin’s name. His name pops up again, and I finally answer it. The first time since I left Chicago. Not that he’s called that often.
“What do you want?” I almost shout.
“So, you are alive. I haven’t heard from you in months, babe,” Kevin says. His voice is deep, but he doesn’t have the Southern drawl I long to hear.
“You’re not calling out of concern for me. You’re calling because you expected me to come crawling back by now.”
He chuckles. “I wouldn’t put it that way. Although crawling does paint a gorgeous picture.”
“You’re a pig.”
“I’m just making a joke. You used to find me funny.”
“I used to care about bruising your ego and had to laugh even though you really aren’t that funny.”
Pausing, I know he’s looking at his phone in surprise. I’m never this direct with him. “Ouch.”
