“Will you hold me?”
I smile even though she can’t see me. “Always.”
She curls up against me, and I wrap an arm around her as she uses my bicep as a pillow. The fruity scent of her hair mixed with her floral perfume both amps me up and calms me down at the same time. She’s here. Finally, here, and she’s in my arms.
“I missed this,” she whispers.
“Me, too.”
“I have a confession to make.”
My heart races as my mind thinks of all the possible scenarios that may crush me. “What’s that?”
“When I was in Chicago, I thought I might be pregnant.”
“What?”
I sound alarmed. It’s not alarm, though. It’s hope. Nothing would make me happier than hearing her tell me she’s pregnant.
“I’m not,” she says quickly.
Swallowing, I rub her arm. “That wasn’t panic, I promise. It’s weird, but I’m kind of disappointed you aren’t.”
“You are?”
“This probably falls under too fast like you talked about earlier, but I need you to know somethin’, Brynlee. I want it all with you. Marriage and babies. Even if you won’t let me give you seventeen of them,” I joke. “But I love the idea of us with a couple of kids runnin’ around. You’ll make the best mother.”
Her fingers gently run over my hand curled on her shoulder. “Thinking I was pregnant made me realize I needed to come back and know for sure where we stood. Even if you were done and never wanted to see me again, I needed to know. I just had to be strong enough to see you.”
“Why did that make you realize that?”
“Because when the test came back negative, I was disappointed. I’d been so certain. I couldn’t keep anything down for two weeks, and that’s partially why your mama said I need meat on my bones. And when I took the test, I cried for two days. Even if we weren’t together, I loved the idea of having your baby. That’s why I had to know for sure. I just didn’t know how to do it until I got Lydia’s voicemail.”
The darkness gives me the confidence to ask what I didn’t in the light. “Is it past tense, Brynlee?”
“Is what past tense?”
“Your love for me. Is it still there, or is it somethin’ I have to earn again?”
“No, it’s very much still here. It’s why I’m scared to open up to you again. You really hurt me, Rhett, and it’s so much worse because I never thought you’d do that. I felt like I was dying.”
Her words stab at me, and the tears appear again. “I wish I could take it all back,” I whisper. “I would give anythin’ to take it back. I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.”
The tears fall against my will, and I hate it. Willing them to stop does nothing, and the last thing I need is Brynlee here when I fall apart.
“Rhett?”
“Yeah?”
Turning to face me, she reaches up and touches my face to wipe away the tears. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. It’ll never be okay, but I’m goin’ to do everythin’ I can to make it up to you. I promise, I will. If you can giveme another chance, I won’t blow it. I’ll show you that you mean everythin’ to me, and you’re more enough. You’re everythin’.”
She wraps her arms around my neck, and I burrow my face against her shoulder, no longer trying to hold everything back. Her fingers massage my scalp, and she softly whispers, “Shh, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
