Gage rose and began gathering plates. As Kat stood to help him, I held up my hand.
“Please, allow me,” I said. I lowered my voice. “It sounds like someone needs to protect your liquor cabinet from Pasco.”
Gage and I made quick work of clearing the table. When Ibrought in the last of the serving bowls and handed them to him to load in the dishwasher, I decided it was my chance to ask him about his earlier reaction. He started speaking before I had the chance.
“They’re really good at their jobs,” he said. He nodded toward the raucous crowd in the living room. “Ryan was right about the beauty of Kat in action. It’s true of all of them. They’re experts.”
“Okay.” That didn’t answer my question about his reaction, but he continued.
“What I’m trying to say is, there are no guarantees, but Ben will have the best team possible at his back. You don’t need to worry. I mean, of course, you’ll worry, but it’s not insurmountable.”
“Oh. Oh! You think Ben and I are together, like…” I shook my head. “We’re just friends.” I didn’t add the benefits part.
“Sure.” He loaded the last of the glasses on the top dishwasher rack and set up the power-saving mode to run. Then he leaned against the counter and smiled. “We should get out there before Pasco gets them all blind drunk.”
“Wait, you don’t believe me, do you?”
“I thinkyoubelieve you,” he said. He held up his hands in front of him. “Not my business. But if you ever change your mind about being just friends with him, don’t let his job scare you away.”
Two hours later,Ben and I waited on the sidewalk while Kyle, our designated driver, trotted down the block to get the car.
“That was fun,” I said.
“It was,” Ben agreed. “I wish I wouldn’t have had a drink from the third round Pasco made, though. It was truly vile shite, and I’m going to feel it in the morning.” Heleaned into my shoulder. “You might have to carry me to bed.”
“Really? Do I have to do everything?” I teased.
“Hmm. That could be fun.”
A familiar flutter hit low in my belly. If he played his cards right, we might not even make it to the bed.
“This evening kind of had a theme, didn’t it?” he said.
“Did it?”
“Yeah, you know, talking about how all the members of Mai’s previous team found their true loves on the job.” He tucked his hands into his jeans pockets. “I thought maybe they were trying to tell me something.”
My heart pounded harder in my chest. Gage had been trying to tell me the same thing. What if they were right, that Ben and I could be a couple? Between the running and fear and mind-blowing sex, I hadn’t had the mental bandwidth to ponder being more than friends with benefits. Was Ben now considering it? I didn’t know how I felt about that. Or maybe I did. And maybe I was being overly influenced by the mind-blowing sex, but would it be the worst thing in the world to date the guy I was so enthusiastically shagging?
“About this friends-with-benefits thing,” he continued.
“Yes?” I took deep, even breaths. Maybe I didn’t need to answer right away. Maybe I could take a day or two to think about it. Then again, I’d be agreeing to give us a chance, not to commit to forever. What the hell was there to mull over?
Down the block, the car’s headlights snapped on. Ben glanced in that direction, probably feeling the same urgency I did. If he didn’t finish his thought now, we’d have to table until we got back to the HEAT building and could be alone again, and then the moment might be lost.
His expression changed from serious to light as he smiled. “Is one friend allowed to buy the other friend a gift? For context, the gift would be some very sexy black stilettos that both friends could enjoy.”
“I don’t know.” My mind raced to change course and follow his thinking because I’d been completely wrong about his intentions. “Maybe. The friend buying the shoes would probably like to know that the other friend wears a size seven and a half.”
He nodded. “That would be good intel to have.”
Ryan pulled up in the car, and Ben opened the back for me, ending any chance of discussing anything more serious. The hard pit in the center of my gut must be from the first two rounds of Pasco’s terrible drink concoctions, because I couldn’t possibly be disappointed in knowing I could continue to have hot sex with Ben for now, and move on with no strings attached and no regrets in a few weeks. I hadn’t lost anything, as I’d gladly agreed to that plan. I chalked up my over-sentimentality to too much good wine and the wistfulness that always settled over me when I watched other people’s happy families after losing mine too young.
But that changed nothing between Ben and me. Yesterday, my mind had snagged on the realization that a piece of him was broken. His wound hadn’t miraculously healed overnight. A few days ago, he’d said because of our breakup, I’d dodged a bullet. This time around, there wouldn’t even be a breakup, and we’d both be safe.
Which was weird, because it felt like I’d just taken a shot to the heart.
18
