‘This has not been easy for you, has it?’ Varin’s dark glance is kind.
‘Which part do you think hasn’t been easy?’ God. I should not be sassing Varin.
‘Tell me,’ he replies, still so kind. It’s as though the words puncture something in me, my pain pouring out.
‘Do any of you really know, or care, what it’s like to be human? You all say you support me, but none of you ever acknowledge your own roles in the Rising, and everything that’s happened since!’
Varin says nothing.
‘I’m taking a crown I didn’t want, because it’s the only way to change things. But humans don’t see me as one of them, because I’m a Raven, and vampires don’t see me as part of their world, either. Meanwhile, so much that was good and beautiful has been left to rot, to be swallowed by the forest. Do none of you see that? It just feels as though you’re humouring me.’
‘No one is humouring you.’
‘Everyoneis humouring me!’ I say. ‘Each time you say you support me, but nothing changes.’
Varin’s head tilts. ‘You are making change happen, believe me.’
‘How? By marching around in frocks in front of a crowd? Pretending I’m something I’m not?’
‘What are you pretending to be that you’re not?’
‘A ruler. A vampire. Someone with power.’
‘What makes you think you are none of those things?’
‘Stop humouring me!’ I snarl the words, baring my teeth. A strange wildness courses through me, like darkness in my veins. I pause, unsure where the surge of power came from. I feel like I could tear the coach apart.
Varin places one hand gently on my arm. I shake it off, staring at him, my chest heaving.
‘You have power, Emelia,’ he says, quiet. ‘You are showing us all that humans born of vampires are not to be underestimated.’
‘Is that all? Am I not showing you how you’ve fucked up everything, too? Can nobody else see what I see? Fuck!’ I turn away, my hands to my head, feeling like I might burst into flames. ‘We drive around and visit places and people bow to me and pretend like they don’t think I’m supposed to be dead or food and it’s just bullshit!’
‘It is.’ Varin’s mild agreement stops me in my tracks.
‘What?’ I turn back to him.
‘Ruling. Setting someone above another simply because of their bloodline, regardless of the type of person they are. It is bullshit.’
I laugh, despite my anger. ‘So you don’t think I deserve to be crowned?’
‘It doesn’t matter what I think. Doyouthink you deserve to be crowned?’
I stare at him, my mouth opening and closing, the wildness in my veins receding.
‘Perhaps a walk on deck later might do you good. The ocean is wonderfully healing, or so I’ve found. It may give you the space you need to work out what happens next.’
‘I know what happens next.’
‘And what is that?’
‘I face the families, face their Challenge, and succeed. There are no other options.’
Varin smiles. ‘Good.’
* * *
The sea is wide and blue and the air smells of salt. Pale sunlight dances on the waves, spray like white foam hissing as the prow of the ship dips. The breeze blows through me, tangling in my hair as though it’s alive, blowing some of my shadows away. A tendril of the strange darkness remains, though. I wonder again at the rush of power, and where it came from. I’m also slightly ashamed of unloading on Varin. He was right. It doesn’t matter what the other families think. IfIdon’t think I deserve the crown then I may as well give up now. It’s a sobering realisation.
