‘I know.’ I can’t change that now. I can admit where I went wrong, though. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t. I just … couldn’t find the words.’
‘I understand.’
‘You do?’ I look at him, then.
Gods. It takes my breath away. One corner of his mouth is quirked up, his blue-grey eyes warm. There’s snow in his hair, a flake caught on his long eyelashes. I remind myself of him snarling at me in a tiny bathroom. Of how hurt I was when he walked away.
‘Your trust had been broken, and badly,’ he says. ‘We hadn’t known each other long. But Emelia, I meant what I said to you, that morning on the beach. I am with you. You can trust me. And I’m more sorry than you know that I ever let you go.’
He takes my hand, twining his fingers through mine. I pull it back. Hurt flashes in his gaze.
But he’s right. I have had my trust broken. By Kyle. But also by him. And there are other people I need to consider.
‘What about the Challenge?’ My voice is shaky. ‘You must know about that.’
‘I didn’t find out until I went back to my brothers. I tried to call you and couldn’t get through. Went back to the house, hoping to find you, but you were already gone. Damn, you are ruthless.’ He grins. Fuck. My heart opens in response.
‘I was hurt. And didn’t want to prolong it. The Challenge is over, anyway.’
‘I know. Well done, by the way.’
‘Well done? I did what I had to do. Though your brothers are still trying it on.’
He snorts. ‘Why didn’t you remind me what utter, complete arseholes they are?’
I laugh, unable to help it. ‘What?’
‘They’re idiots. I hate them. They used to torment me incessantly when I lived at home. Why on earth I thought they might have changed I don’t know.’
‘I can understand why. They’re charming when they want something. Until they get it.’
‘Is that what you think of me, as well?’
‘No.’
Silence falls between us. My throat feels thick with unspoken words, about all the ways he’s not like his brothers, about what seeing him is doing to me.
‘What do you think?’ There’s a thread of vulnerability, of yearning in his voice.
‘Of you?’ I swallow. ‘I … I don’t know.’
‘Really? Because I think of you a lot, E. I miss you.’
‘Why are you here?’ I conveniently ignore the way my core heated at his words. ‘I think of you a lot.’I need to remember my mother’s warning. My lieutenant is all he can be.
‘In this field? Or at the Gathering?’
I’m reminded of Joaquin, in a darkened garden. The same question, and a similar response. But my heart didn’t ache in anticipation of his answer, like it does for Michael’s.
‘Both. You said you didn’t want to be part of my world. Yet here you are, standing with your brothers as though they didn’t just try to take my throne.’
‘I’m herebecausethey tried to take your throne,’ he says, his gaze intent on me. ‘Because of that letter they sent. Do you truly think I would have let either of them near you? Do younot know that I would do anything to keep you safe?’
Oh. Oh darkness. Realisation crashes over me. He knew I had to choose a ‘son of Mistral’. And he showed up because he knew, out of the three of them, he was the only one who wouldn’t try and murder me at the earliest opportunity. My mouth opens and closes.
‘And you’re okay with that? Being my lieutenant?’
He nods, one corner of his mouth curving. ‘What choice do I have?’
