“Liv, that was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard,” I said. “For the record, can I just say that your ex was a fucking idiot? Anyone that would discourage you from doing what you just did is a complete moron.”
“I’m really not—”
“Nope.” I stopped her. “I’m not even going to let you say it. Liv, you’re amazing. If I were your husband, I never would have let you stop, but then again, I never would have let you go.”
She chewed her lip and looked down at her fingers that still fluttered along the strings.
“You have a gift, and you sing from a place that you can’t fake. I can hear every emotion in your voice, and frankly, it’s exquisite. You can’t give this up. You could start again.”
“No way.” She shook her head. “That ship has sailed.”
“It most definitely has not,” I argued. “The ship has docked, and we are now boarding the USS Olivia. You can’t let this go, Liv. Music is where your heart is. It’s all over your face. You have to keep singing.”
“You’re crazy. I can’t go back to that whole bar scene now. They’ll laugh me off the stage.”
“You’recrazy if you seriously let this go,” I retorted. “Besides, who said you had to go to a bar? Write with me.”
“What?” She looked at me incredulously. “Get out of here.” She set the guitar down, propping it against the sofa.
“I’m serious,” I said softly. “Write with me.”
Chapter 9
Liv
“Write with you? I thinkyou’ve had a little too much wine.” I laughed. “Is it time to cut you off?”
“I’m serious, Liv.” Jax looked at me with such sincerity that it caused my heart to soften around the edges. He leaned closer to me and placed his hand on my knee, taking a deep breath. “I told you our label wants us to sing other writers’ songs, but I didn’t tell youwhy.It’s not because they’re trying to change us. It’s because of me. I’ve been struggling to write any new material. I’m the one who writes our lyrics, and for the last six months, I haven’t been able to write anything. Not even a single decent hook.”
“But… why?” The reasons he’d seemed so uncomfortable earlier, when Cash mentioned him writing, began to come into focus.
“I haven’t told anybody about this yet, but it started after Carrie passed away.”
“I’m sorry, Jax,” I said softly. “A loss like that would make it difficult for anyone to write.”
“Well, it’s not only because of Carrie.” He chewed his lip thoughtfully. “I told you last night that I lived in the foster care system. My mom signed me over to the state. She didn’t even put up a fight, Liv. She disappeared, and I’ve spent the better part of my life being angry and bitter. After Carrie got sick and found out she didn’t have long left to live, we spent a lot of time talking. We talked about life and how fucking unfair it all is. All Carrie and Cash ever wanted was a family, but Carrie got sick, and that was no longer a possibility. It made me angry that two people so deserving of love, so deserving of every dream to come true, were being denied the chance, you know? Meanwhile, my mom chose drugs over her own damn kid.”
“Jax…” I covered his hand with my own.
He looked down at our hands, his hair falling into his pensive eyes. “One of the last times I saw Carrie, I was just so pissed at the world. I was mad that one of the only people who understood me was dying.” His eyes shined in the soft glow of the room. “Carrie told me I had to let go of the anger. She said it was like I was beating my own head against a wall, but expecting my mom to feel the pain. She understood because when she was first diagnosed, she was angry too. But if she’d stayed angry, she’d have missed out on so much love.” He frowned, his head hung low. “After she died, I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said. All I’ve ever wanted was a family, and I started thinking that maybe my mom was somewhere out there. I thought maybe we could have some sort of relationship. So, six months ago, I started trying to find her. I started searching for her online, and that got me nowhere. I talked to the state, and there was no record of her after she turned me over to their custody.”
I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to say something that would make him feel better, but I knew there were no words to ease his pain. Instead, I squeezed his hand, waiting for him to continue when he was ready.
“I finally hired a private investigator, but he still hasn’t been able to find her. For six months this has been going on, and I don’t know why, but it’s like I’m broken. I’m afraid I may never find my mom, and I might not ever have a person in this world I belong to. Now, the one thing I’m good at, the one thing that was mine, I can’t seem to do anymore. If we don’t get something new for the label soon, they’re going to force our hand and make us record something we don’t want to. I feel like I’m letting the band down, and they’re all I’ve got.”
“I’m sure they’d understand if you told them what you’ve been going through,” I tried to reassure him. “I know you can trust them.”
“It’s not that I don’t trust them, but it doesn’t come as easily with them as it seems to with you.” His eyes pleaded with mine. “We have this crazy connection, and I feel comfortable telling you things about me nobody else knows. Maybe you can help pull the words out of me.”
“Jax, I haven’t written a song in ages.” I sighed. “I don’t even know if I can anymore.”
“I’m asking you to try,” he murmured. “For me.”
He looked at me so hopefully, there was no way I could tell him no. I didn’t know if I could help him, but what did I have to lose in trying? “I’ll go get a notebook and a pen.”
He threw his arms around me, and the butterflies took flight in my chest. “Thank you.”
I was amazed at how easily it all came back to me. Maybe it was the wine that allowed my guard to come down, or maybe Jax was right, and it really was like riding a bike. Somehow, the words and melodies began to pour out of me.
