“Everything okay?” Jax asked as I approached. I considered telling him about seeing Ben, but decided against it. Running into him had been a little jarring. It was like finding a photograph of someone from your past buried at the bottom of a shoebox of memories, but what it showed me was that Benton Wyatt was my past. My future was with Jax.
“I had kind of a weird interaction with Luca on my way out here,” I said.
“Sounds like typical Luca.” Brady rolled his eyes. “He has a tendency to get a little out of hand at parties. I’ll keep an eye on him when I get back. Don’t you worry about it.”
I nodded thoughtfully and decided to drop the issue as Jax laced his fingers through mine, and we made the trek back to the suite under Brady’s watchful eye.
Chapter 20
Jax
The day after the party,Liv and I took advantage of room service as we lazed about in bed, watching movies and talking. I wondered if it was possible we’d ever run out of things to say to each other. I loved her easy laugh and the ways she took care of me without even knowing. I loved the way she drew little circles on my chest with her fingertips as we drifted off to sleep each night, and how she was always waiting for me with a bottle of water and a kiss when I came off stage. She made me feel like I finally belonged to someone.
We broke out the guitar and worked on one of the songs we’d started from the comfort of the king-sized bed, dressed in our matching white robes from the hotel bathroom. These were the moments that reignited my passion for songwriting. For months, I’d been in a drought, but ever since Liv had come into my life, I’d had an abundance of creativity. We wrote song after song together, and I knew when it came time for us to cut a record, the hardest part would be deciding which songs to put on it.
Liv’s phone dinged from the nightstand, and she set the guitar down on the bed before reaching for it. She burst out laughing as she looked down at the screen. “Look at this.” She turned her phone to show me a picture of Ella and Grace making silly frowning faces in Liv’s kitchen. Ella held her arm high above her head, capturing Mama on the floor giving them the side-eye. Grace held up a piece of paper with the words ‘we miss you’ printed in big bubble letters.
I shook my head and chuckled. “I kind of miss that hostile kitty.”
A soft smile lit up her face as she pulled the phone back, gazing at the screen again. “God, me too. This is one thing I don’t know that I’ll ever get used to.”
“What do you mean?”
She sighed. “I’m used to seeing Ella and Grace all the time. And Katie and Mama. I miss them.”
“I know they miss you too.”
“This is one part of the whole music thing I don’t really know how to navigate,” she admitted. “I know tours and events get scheduled months, and even years, in advance sometimes. I hate the idea that Grace or Ella might need me, and I’m somewhere across the country. Or even across the world. I don’t want them to ever feel like they can’t count on me.”
I looked down at my hands and thought about how I’d felt the week I’d been on the road without Liv. Until her, I didn’t know what it really felt like to have someone to miss or someone waiting for me at home. I was always with the people I considered family, so I never had to worry about whether or not I’d be able to be there for them if they needed me.
“Hey,” she said, reaching out and touching my arm. “What is it?”
“I was just thinking about how foreign the idea of missing someone was until I met you. The guys and I are always together. Honestly, sometimes I wish I could have a chance to miss Dallas.” I snorted out a laugh. “Even when it comes to my mom, it’s not like I missher,you know?I don’t have a catalog of fond memories from my childhood. I guess I miss the idea of who she could have been.”
“I’m sorry, Jax.” She placed her hand on the side of my face, her thumb stroking my cheek.
“I’m not.” I shook my head. “You’ve given me something worth missing.” I placed my hand on top of hers, cupping her hand with mine. “I feel lucky that I have you and that you decided to give this music thing a shot. Even though I have someone worth missing, maybe I won’t have to very often because we’ll be together.”
“I feel lucky too.” She leaned in, kissing me deeply.
My heart swelled, overcome with gratitude. I took her hands in mine. “Look, I know how important Ella and Grace are to you. No matter what our commitments are for the band, you come first, and that means the people you care about come first. If they need you, no matter where we are, I promise to get you home to them.”
She smiled.
“I never want to take you away from Ella, Grace, and Katie. We’ll fly them out to visit. I’ll do anything I can to make sure you guys always feel connected.”
“Thank you. That means a lot to me.”
“And whenever we start touring, we’ll just have to bring Mama with us.” I winked at her.
“Can you imagine Mama on a tour bus?” She snorted. “That’s one way to ward off any nosy fans.”
“With Mama around, we wouldn’t even need security.” I laughed, but the wheels in my mind had already started turning. “I have an idea.” I grabbed the guitar and started strumming a soft, sorrowful melody.
She studied me while I played the tune over and over, working out the words in my mind.
Finally, I started to sing. “What’s it like to have half your heart on the other side of the world? Thousands of red lights, nothing but long nights, keeping a boy from his girl.” I continued to play the melody as I looked over at her. “What do you think?”
