“No, it’s not that at all,” I assured him. “I care about him so much. Honestly, after Ben and I split, I didn’t really know if this was a thing that would ever happen for me. I didn’t know that I’d ever find someone, but then Jax came along. He’s everything I could have hoped for.”
“And he’s head over heels in love with you,” he added, “so what’s the problem?”
I ran my fingers through my hair, drawing in a deep breath. “I was diagnosed with endometriosis when I was twenty-nine. At the time, my doctor told me it was possible that pregnancy wouldn’t ever be in the cards for me, but Ben and I kept trying because we both wanted a baby so badly. When I turned thirty-two, those two little lines finally appeared on the pregnancy test.” I looked down at the bubbles in my champagne, watching them rise to the surface before bursting into nothing. “For eleven weeks, it was like the wind had been put back in our sails, and I thought maybe there was hope for me and Ben. We were shopping for baby clothes and making plans for the nursery. Then, one night I woke up with these intense cramps and…” I wiped away a tear that had escaped down my cheek. “We lost it. After that, talks of a family came to a screeching halt. My relationship with Ben became transactional at best. He seemed to blame me for what happened. I’ve gone over it again and again in my head for years, and I can’t figure out what I did wrong. I took the vitamins and ate all the right things. I did fucking yoga. I thought I did everything right.”
“Liv, honey.” Antoni held my hand between his. “That wasn’t your fault. You have to know that. Sometimes these things happen. There’s no reason, and it isn’t fucking fair. I’m so sorry you went through that, and I’m doubly sorry that prick you were married to didn’t love you the way you deserved. For what it’s worth, I really do believe Jax loves you. I’ve certainly never seen him like this. That boy would go to the moon and back for you.”
“I know.” I sighed. “I know he would, but he said he wanted a family. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give him that, Antoni. He deserves to have everything he could ever want.”
“Sweetheart.” He squeezed my hand. “I think you’re forgetting one important detail.”
“What?” I asked.
“He wantsyou.”
“What if I’m not enough for him?”
“Hot damn, no ma’am.” He shook his head. “Don’t even let your pretty head go there. You’re worrying yourself sick, and that man, who is very much in love with you, has no idea what’s going on.”
“But isn’t it wrong for me to stay with him knowing I may not be able to give him what he deserves?”
“What would be wrong is if you didn’t lethimdecide what he deserves, honey,” he said softly. “You’ve got to let him know what’s eating at you.”
The door to the sauna opened, and a salon coordinator wearing all black appeared. “Olivia and Antoni, we’re ready for you.”
We followed the young woman through the spa and into the salon area where people were milling about, chattering over the sounds of hair dryers. Before she delivered me to my assigned stylist, Antoni grabbed my hand and whispered in my ear. “You’ve got to talk to him, honey.”
“I know.” I forced a smile and nodded.
I knew he was right, but I also knew I was terrified that once Jax knew the truth, he would realize I wasn’t enough for him.
Antoni and I arrived at The Palace right before the meet and greet. We wove our way through the backstage area until we found the dressing room where Cash was standing just outside.
“Hey, Liv,” he greeted as Antoni stopped to talk to Brady. “You look fantastic.”
“Thanks.” I smiled. “That was really nice of you, by the way. Thank you so much for sending us.”
“How are you feeling now?” He leaned against the wall to the side of the doorframe.
“A lot more relaxed,” I said. “Thanks to you.”
“Good.” He nodded. “You know if you need anything, anything at all, I’m here for you, right? I’ll do anything I can to help you.”
“I know,” I replied. “I appreciate you, Cash, more than you know.”
He gazed at me quietly for a moment as though he wanted to say something else, but decided against it. “Jax is in there. I know he’ll be excited to see you.” He gestured toward the dressing room behind him, and I knocked on the door.
“Yes?” I heard Dallas call.
“Are you guys decent?” I asked through the door.
Luca grinned wildly as he opened the door. “When have you ever known us to be decent?”
“That’s fair.” I laughed and entered the dressing room.
“You look great,” Luca appraised me. “Jax, your girlfriend is gorgeous. Why don’t I have a gorgeous girlfriend?”
“Maybe because there’s not a woman alive who’d be willing to put up with your shit,” Dallas challenged, raising his brow.
