While I was at work, my fingers longed to have my guitar back in my hands again. Finally, a couple of nights before Jax was scheduled to return, I had some time to sit on the couch and pick up my guitar. I sat with the notebook Jax and I had been writing in splayed out on the coffee table and started playing around with a melody that had been buzzing in my mind all day. I tried to get in my groove, but I was unsettled and distracted. Something was missing or more accurately—someone.
Mama perched herself on top of the sofa, silently judging me through squinted eyes.
“I know it sucks, Mama. You don’t even have to tell me.”
She meowed disapprovingly as I ran my fingers through my hair.
I turned out all the lights and lit the candle we’d been burning the day the power went out. Then, I rummaged through the kitchen and found one last package of strawberry Pop-Tarts lingering in the pantry. I opened a bottle of wine and poured myself a glass, bringing it back to the living room along with my Pop-Tarts.
Finally, I trudged to the closet and found exactly what I was looking for. I ripped my shirt over my head, discarding it on the floor. I pulled Jax’s shirt on. It was the one he’d insisted I keep the day we got caught in the rain. It hung a bit off my shoulder, and it still smelled like him. I inhaled deeply, taking in his scent, smiling to myself as I padded back into the living room and returned to the couch.
Mama side-eyed me when I picked the guitar up again and began to play. I sang through some of the lyrics that had been dying to pour out of me for days.
My phone rang from the coffee table with a FaceTime call from Jax. I swiped to answer the call, and his face illuminated the screen. “Hi, baby.” He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He looked tired and a little dejected.
“Hey, handsome,” I said softly. “Are you okay? You look exhausted.”
“Yeah. I can’t seem to remember how to sleep without you anymore.”
“Aw, babe.” I frowned. “I’m sorry. I miss you.”
He sighed. “I miss you too. It’s killing me.” He squinted at me as though he was inspecting something, then broke into a wide grin. “Are you wearing my shirt?”
“Yeah.” I smiled sheepishly and nodded. “I wanted to write tonight, but it wasn’t the same without you, so I decided to try to channel you.” I flipped the camera around so he could see the candle along with the wine and Pop-Tarts on the table. I panned over to Mama who stood from her perch, turning so her butt faced the camera. I giggled and flipped the phone back to my face.
“She clearly misses me too.” Jax laughed. “And it would appear that great minds think alike.” He pulled the phone away from his face and panned down a little so I could see that he was wearing the shirt I’d given him. “When we stopped to fuel up, I went into the gas station and got some Pop-Tarts. Now all I need is you.”
“You’ve got me,” I promised. “Always.” His gaze flickered downward. “Is everything else okay? You seem a little down.”
“I heard from the private investigator earlier today.” He sighed. “Still no leads on my mom.”
“I’m so sorry, honey.” I longed to reach out and comfort him.
“The more time that passes, the more I think I may never find her.” He shook his head. “I don’t even know her, but I can’t stop thinking that I may nevergetto know her. We’re strangers to each other. I know she did what she had to do, and everything turned out the way it was supposed to, but it’s a hard truth to swallow.”
“I wish I could hold you, Jax.” I knew there was nothing I could say that would take his hurt away, and it crushed me.
“Me too, baby.” His eyes softened as he gazed at me through the screen. “I swear, I’m never going to let you go.” I sank back into the couch and wished I could crawl into the screen with him, curl up against his chest, and listen to his heartbeat whisper to me promises of a beautiful future together. He scrubbed down his face with his hand and gazed at me through sleepy eyes. “Will you play what you were working on for me? Hearing you sing always makes me feel better.”
“Sure, but it’s nowhere near finished yet.” I propped the phone on the coffee table and settled the guitar in my lap. I closed my eyes as I began to strum the soft, sweet melody.“Sun peeks through the window. Baby, please don’t let me go. Cause it turns out I was living half a life, but with your love I’m whole.”I changed chords as I shifted into what would be the chorus.“I thought home was a place, till I found you. Getting drunk by candlelight…”
A loving smile crept onto his face. “Is that about us?”
I nodded and chewed my lip.
“It’s beautiful, Liv. Hold on a second. Play that chorus again.” I started the song from the chorus, singing the first two lines when Jax jumped in with his voice full of feeling. “Getting drunk by candlelight, with a hell of a view.”I felt a flush sweep across my face, and I smiled. “Well, you are a hell of a view.”
“So are you,” I murmured.
“Start from the top again,” he urged. “I’ve had something in my head ever since you left, and I think it could be perfect for the other verse.”
“Okay.” Just like that, we were making music together thousands of miles apart.
Chapter 26
Jax
The last days of thetour were impossibly long. Anytime I wasn’t on stage or doing press, all I wanted to do was talk to Liv. Talking to the private investigator hadn’t helped my mood, but it did have me thinking more about the future. I’d spent so much of my life being angry that I didn’t have someone I belonged to. As disappointed as I was that there was still no information on my mom, I couldn’t find room in my heart for anything but happiness for my future with Liv.
