“I’m so sorry, Jax. This isn’t fair—” Cash attempted to comfort me, but I cut him off.
“You’re damn right it isn’t fucking fair,” I shouted, running my hands through my hair in frustration. “My mom is dead, and the only home I’ve ever fucking known doesn’t want me! What was the fucking point of me finding her? What was the point of me falling in love with her? For her to tell me that love isn’t fucking enough?” The anger overflowed inside me, spilling out on everything around me. Cash and Dallas appeared frozen in place. “I’ve got to get out of here.”
“Wait, what?” Dallas asked as he and Cash immediately stood. “Where are you going?”
“To pay Benton Wyatt a visit.” I tensed my jaw and clenched my fists.
“Is that a good idea?” Dallas questioned. “I hate the bastard too, but I’m not sure you should do that.”
“I don’t care,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Do you even have a car here?” Cash asked.
“I’ll call Brady. I’ll get a fucking Uber,” I shouted. “I’ll walk there if I have to, but it’s time he and I had a talk.” Cash and Dallas exchanged a look.
“Well, you’re sure as shit not taking an Uber.” Dallas reached into his pocket and extracted his keys. “I’ll drive.”
I shook my head. “I want to go alone. I have to do this by myself.”
“Jax, I know you’re upset. You have every reason to be, but guys like Benton are power-hungry. They’re vindictive, and they’ll stop at nothing. Look at what he’s done already,” Cash said cautiously. “Please be careful.”
“Yeah, well,” I said, “I’ve got nothing left to lose.”
Dallas sighed and reluctantly handed me his keys. “Take my car. Give him hell.”
Cash nodded his approval, and I snatched the keys out of Dallas’s hand, storming onto the elevator.
Hell was exactly what I planned to give him.
Chapter 33
Liv
It had been fifteen dayssince I’d felt his arms around me. His scent haunted me like a ghost. I’d catch it, and the tears would start flowing down my cheeks because I knew that’s all it was. That’s all that was left. Just a trace.
I still hadn’t taken off the necklace he’d given me. I often found myself lightly caressing the tiny charm as though it were a genie in a bottle, and I could somehow make Jax magically appear.
I’d slept with his shirt and the Aerosmith shirt next to me every night. Together, they retained enough of his scent that when I’d fall asleep, I could almost imagine him there with me. Then, in the early hours of the morning as daybreak began to filter through the blinds, I’d get a glorious three seconds where I’d forget. Those glorious three seconds before I opened my eyes when I could smell him there. For those three seconds, Jax and I were still home.
It was the opening of the eyes that was the problem. That was when I was reminded that the life, themethat I’d come to love, was gone.
Ella and Grace were doing their best to hold me together. Katie had taken a couple of shifts with me too, bringing over some takeout that I’d picked at and turning on Netflix. When she asked if I wanted to watchThe Office,I dissolved into a puddle of tears, causing poor Katie to feel awful. It wasn’t her fault I was a mess. It was mine.
Antoni went back to LA on New Years Day, but he’d called many times after Ella reached out to let him know what happened.
I heard from all of the guys during the time I’d been apart from Jax. My chest twisted with shame each time their names showed up on my phone because I knew I didn’t deserve their compassion. I wondered if he knew they’d reached out. Initially, Dallas contacted me worried out of his mind because Jax wouldn’t talk to him. I didn’t go into detail, but I told him we’d broken up. I told him it wasn’t Jax. It was me.
I resisted the urge to ask him how Jax was doing. I knew I didn’t have a right to that information any longer, but that didn’t stop me from typing out the text and deleting it dozens of times. It also didn’t stop Dallas from telling me anyway.
Dallas: He really misses you, Cupcake. I’ve never seen him like this.
Liv: I miss him too.
Dallas: Are you sure about all of this?
I wasn’t sure at all. I started tapping out a reply but erased it because I knew that information didn’t help anyone. It didn’t change anything.
Cash checked on me, but he never asked about Jax & Liv, and I was grateful. We still had a single that was climbing the charts despite the bad press. I knew I would have to tell him it was over soon, but the idea of saying it out loud made my heart feel like it was breaking all over again.
